by Johnny Dantonio
When anxiety and ambiguity shipwreck your consciousness,
to whom can you turn,
besides your younger, repulsive self
and your older, fabricated one?
Introspection.
Neat piece.
Take out "At 25"--makes more universal.
"when anxiety and ambiguity shipwrecks your consciousness" should be "when anxiety and ambiguity shipwreck your consciousness"
Highly recommend the fabricated one!
Like this poem a lot
I liked this a lot.
Wondering if perhaps the "and" in the last line should be "or"? It seems to me that much is caught by that choice.
Bill - thanks, you were/are dead on. Silly mistakes :)
Cherise – I went with "and" to allow my multitudes to exist simultaneously.
Thanks to all for your comments :) Means so much!
Neat piece.
Take out "At 25"--makes more universal.
"when anxiety and ambiguity shipwrecks your consciousness"
should be
"when anxiety and ambiguity shipwreck your consciousness"
Highly recommend the fabricated one!
Like this poem a lot
I liked this a lot.
Wondering if perhaps the "and" in the last line should be "or"? It seems to me that much is caught by that choice.
Bill - thanks, you were/are dead on. Silly mistakes :)
Cherise – I went with "and" to allow my multitudes to exist simultaneously.
Thanks to all for your comments :) Means so much!