for god's sake, come in me already!

There were others, too, during those years in the Sixties. I remember hooking up with that JAM girl one more time, when she was married and living in Urbana. They were going to swinger parties at the time, so she wanted to have sex with me once more for old time's sake when I was teaching at this little college downstate Illinois for a year. We went out to a motel and screwed our brains out, just like we used to do when we were going to school together. She had an insatiable appetite, because she could never come. And of course it was unprotected sex. In those days it almost always was, because practically everybody was taking the pill. And I remember her saying (interestingly) that she wanted to be able to say that she'd had sex with a famous poet. Too bad I never became famous. That would have been in 1970, I think.

            I wonder if the bloody sea boils because of thought, thoughts like this, which behave like a searing scar on the mind. Like that breed of men all the earth has abandoned, their sleek sweaty heads in the mist. Water flowing away from them, lapped by flames amid them, nothing left to pray for.

            Then there was this one girl I remember who kept saying Don't get me pregnant, don't get me pregnant. She wanted me to pull out before I came. This was a waitress I met one time in Lombard, who went to the same high school with Sharon. She was engaged to be married, but seemed to want some strange before that cemented bond was about to happen. She kept saying How do you do that? as I was sucking her tits, rolling my tongue gently around her nipples. A pretty girl with deep brown eyes. She was going to be a wonderful mother, you could tell. She had her whole life planned out before her. She was already living in the future, with a white picket fence and everything. Except that she really seemed to wholly love having sex with somebody other than her fiancée. That was in the summer of 1969 when I'd come back for summer break during graduate school in California.

            Maybe what she was really saying was, For God's sake come in me already, I want to get pregnant!