by Jake Barnes
My mother—God rest her soul—told me that she remembered the first time she heard a radio. Her uncle had one in the attic of his house, a crystal set. You put on earphones to hear the broadcast. She said the first thing she heard was the music of a jazz band in Chicago. What a thrill that was!
What she didn't tell me was that her brother Carl got fried during an electrical storm when lightning traveled down the antenna. I got that information from her dotty but bright and always interesting sister, Florence. I was visiting one summer, and went out to the State Mental Hospital just outside of town to see her. I always liked Florence. She was nuts, but she was funny and honest.
Florence liked to pull your chain, however, and I'm not sure that what else she told me about the incident was true. She claimed that they didn't discover poor Carl for several days, and when did, they decided to leave the body where it was. He was pretty crisp, Florence said. He didn't need embalming.
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A family tale that I decided to embellish. Florence is a fictional character, but she is my favorite relative.
Yeh, altogether an appealing story. (A nice feature of its brevity: it permits expansion with further detail, as desired.)
I like this. The ending is so unexpected, especially since the voice is one that makes the reader comfortable and trusting. Nice.
Excellently creepy tall tale. Fave*
Nice job with the closing. A good read.
Jake, I am inspired by the compactness of your writing. It makes me want to shorten everything I've written!
:)
Just the right number of words.
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