hide the dildos

by Frank Hinton

the plane is leaving in 2 hours.

get the box.

what box?

the empty box, i need an empty box.

okay. ill get it.

im filling up the dog bowls.


where are the dildos?

i dont know.

you dont know? lili they're your dildos!

i think they are under the sweaters.

found them. okay, and the pot?

the pot is all over.


what are you worried about?

the dog sitter.

what about the dog sitter?

the dog sitter is going to find our pot and examine our dildos.

no they won't.

trust me. when i was a dog sitter, all i did was look for dildos.

you did? why?

because i was stoned.

i found a box.

okay, put everything in it. dildos, pot, papers, im going to put my diary in there.

you have a diary?

of course i do. don't you?


i know you have a diary.


where should we hide the box?

under the sweaters in the closet.

the first place anyone looks is under the sweaters!

okay ah, how about behind the water heater in the basement?

i can't put it there, im scared of that room. remember the old owner of the house killed his wife down there.

ill take it down.

remember to change the cat's litter while you're down there.