Pink Fuzzy Bunny Slippers
by Dave Clapper
I'm not sure if it's Punkin or her pink fuzzy bunny slippers that I love. My friends all think I'm nuts, shacking up with a girl like her. But I've always liked good girls. Really. They just haven't liked me. So I've always stuck with bad girls.
Eddie's pissed off about the cancellation of poker night. Tough shit. Punkin is right—we don't need that kind in our place. Since she moved in, the place looks great and I want to keep it that way. So fuck Eddie. He can have poker night at his place if his old lady will let him. We'll see who's really whipped.
###
She redecorated the bathroom. It's pink. I like it. Okay, I don't like it. But she's a nice girl and I've always wanted a good girl and I love her. Right? Funny thing I never knew about good girls—they're unbelievable in the sack. They seem to have this incredible storage tank of all the bad they don't let the world see and they turn it all loose in bed. Or at least Punkin does.
###
Go figure. Good girls aren't that good. Punkin fucking threw a dish at me tonight. I still have no idea why. I said something about not wanting her to go out with an old friend of hers from school. I wasn't even mean about it. I just told her that if she loves me, then she shouldn't be doing things with other guys. She said she wouldn't be “doing” anything with him, even made those little quotey thingies in the air. I said did you ever fuck him when you knew him and then she threw a serving bowl full of spaghetti at my head. I didn't think I was so out of line. If she fucked him, she shouldn't be seeing him again. I'm pretty sure she fucked him.
###
I told her to get out tonight. She was pissed off about me getting home late from Eddie's poker game, so she put a big scratch down the middle of one LP for every five minutes I was late. Those things are irreplaceable, collector's items. Fucking cunt.
###
I raped her pink fuzzy bunny slippers last night. I hid them when she moved out. And once the door was locked behind her, I pulled those babies out, slipped one over my cock, pulled on its ears and rode it hard while I stuck an ear of the other one up my ass. Oh, yes, I came hard. Got that nice girly fur good and sticky. I love her pink fuzzy bunny slippers. They're two very bad girls.
Eddie's pissed off about the cancellation of poker night. Tough shit. Punkin is right—we don't need that kind in our place. Since she moved in, the place looks great and I want to keep it that way. So fuck Eddie. He can have poker night at his place if his old lady will let him. We'll see who's really whipped.
###
She redecorated the bathroom. It's pink. I like it. Okay, I don't like it. But she's a nice girl and I've always wanted a good girl and I love her. Right? Funny thing I never knew about good girls—they're unbelievable in the sack. They seem to have this incredible storage tank of all the bad they don't let the world see and they turn it all loose in bed. Or at least Punkin does.
###
Go figure. Good girls aren't that good. Punkin fucking threw a dish at me tonight. I still have no idea why. I said something about not wanting her to go out with an old friend of hers from school. I wasn't even mean about it. I just told her that if she loves me, then she shouldn't be doing things with other guys. She said she wouldn't be “doing” anything with him, even made those little quotey thingies in the air. I said did you ever fuck him when you knew him and then she threw a serving bowl full of spaghetti at my head. I didn't think I was so out of line. If she fucked him, she shouldn't be seeing him again. I'm pretty sure she fucked him.
###
I told her to get out tonight. She was pissed off about me getting home late from Eddie's poker game, so she put a big scratch down the middle of one LP for every five minutes I was late. Those things are irreplaceable, collector's items. Fucking cunt.
###
I raped her pink fuzzy bunny slippers last night. I hid them when she moved out. And once the door was locked behind her, I pulled those babies out, slipped one over my cock, pulled on its ears and rode it hard while I stuck an ear of the other one up my ass. Oh, yes, I came hard. Got that nice girly fur good and sticky. I love her pink fuzzy bunny slippers. They're two very bad girls.
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Author's Note
Originally published in NFG. Probably the most vulgar thing I've ever had published.
Other stories by Dave Clapper
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"I raped her pink fuzzy bunny slippers last night."
Thank you, Dave Clapper, for starting my February off right.
This was the first piece of your fiction I ever read-- I obviously knew of you as an editor, through SmokeLong, but I had never seen any of your own work. I definitely remember digging this then, and it's still a good read.
This is fucking hysterical.
I find it terrifying somehow that this is the first piece of mine that anyone ever would have ever read. And now I think I've inflicted that dubious pleasure on Maria, too.
And me. I hadn't read your any of your own work yet either.
Yup, this is the cherry-popper! (Both in terms of reading your work and the thematics involved, actually--I can honestly say I've never imagined a slipper-ear up anybody's ass until you came along. Which makes me think I don't spend enough time pondering the possibilities of inanimate objects + orifices...)
Gawd, that's scary. All those cherries popped by this? I have to post something nice now.
another cherry popped here, but thanks for being gentle. i'm very much against rape but i think those slippers might have had it coming ...
Dave, great work. Loved the rape scene. Just shocked the hell out of me, even having seen your warning.
"...so she put a big scratch down the middle of one LP for every five minutes I was late." I think I may have dated Punkin about ten years ago.
Dave Clapper! I had no idea. Love this.
This is great. We are all betrayed by our own assumptions, no? And here you make it a rollicking good time for the reader to watch. Yes, vulgar: yes, terrific.
Wow.
Heh heh... nice... the slippers are a very good touch. The ear pulling kinda got me hot :)
Late to the party here, but with that title, after reading a couple of your other stories, had to read this.
It's just such an honest piece that builds to who knows where--though as writers and close-readers we know it's going somewhere--but who'd've thought it'd end up in the slippers!
Super. Just loved it. Even the name "Punkin" fit perfectly.
Thanks so much, Susan!
Love the way this story gears up and then tosses me on my head with the ending. A brave thing, gearing up like that and knowing you'd have to write an ending just like this one to make it fabulous.
Thanks, Sheldon!
Years after discovering it, this is still one of my favorite pieces to read.