One Amber Down, Two to Go

by Chad Smith

Pulling myself up


Through the emergency hatch

Harder to stand than I thought it would be

On the rooftop

Of my train leaving

Wind blowing, gathering balance, step forward an inch


The six o' clock train speeding towards me in the distance

On the opposite tracks heading back

To Germany

Behind me




Now along side the moving train I stand on

My black cocktail dress not the best uniform

For this stunt

There wasn't time even for a quick change

                 Move slowly to the edge

Step back

                 Move again to the edge

                 I will have to time this just right

                 Finding a spot with my eyes

Run along the train as it continues to pass

End of the train car coming under my feet


                 I leap


                 For a brief second I am in the air between trains

                 Freed from both, floating


My life isn't getting any longer

That wasn't the real me

A bad sandwich made with stale bread

Poisoned with boredom

Too young to know then

I was meant for more


Now I know better


I am brave, I am sexy, I am strong


Smashing down on the roof of the next train

Scraping knee, twisting ankle, snapping fingernail

                 Rolling rolling rolling


                 Catch myself

At the last possible moment

Arm caught on a pipe or railing

Pulling myself back up on the roof

Feel the pull of the new direction

Pause and watch

The old train

Tear off into the distance


Carefully inch my way over


                 Lower myself down

Through the new emergency hatch


I knew the second after I let him in, this was it

For him I will give up my friends

For him I will give up my children

For him I will give up my god

Tear it all down

Drown the house

Burn the family




He will catch me

Staring out our new window

Gazing at our new view

He will pull me down on our new bed

Wrap me in our new clean sheets

Kiss my bruises


Maybe I will stack the blocks back up

Maybe someday his friends will be my friends

Maybe someday his children will love me

Maybe someday his gods will forgive me

If they don't then so what

I don't care

I love the feel of new me lying next to him




Who are


To question