A Shadow on the Summer Sun

Favorite moments:
"dullness, a yellow smudge in
front of the whitest bright
disc. That is singing, not
ringing, in my ears"

&

"Shadows are so admirable in film noir
so much less so on x-rays, scans, and mammograms"

Life reflects itself in everything we are and do. And "the future is fearless" as we carry the past with us. Form is vital here.

The music/song of the lines. The darkness that waits for us all. Strong work.

Mirror, mirror.

To boldly go....

*****

Fantastic first line, I wish I had written it.

I think the rest of the poem suffers from the visual form but does contain good images and lines here and there.

Something like this:

Shadows are so
admirable in film noir
What is a shadow
but a white cloud
in front of a yellow sun?
For most, that's all it is,
but I have come

to see it as a yellow smudge
in front of the whitest
bright disc. That is singing, not ringing,
the sad song of spilt milk. The soft song of the yellow sea. The muddy song of dawn.

One waits: it never comes
You remember
You were with me
On the hill

This contemplation of the past is contemptible
beneath cowardice
but the future is fearless;
the present less.

The muddy song of dawn. The
soft song of the yellow sea
The sad song of spilt milk. That is singing,
not ringing, in my ears.

For most
that's all it is,
but I have come
to see a yellow smudge
in front of the whitest disc.
What is a shadow
but a bright cloud
in front of a yellow sun? Shadows are so
admirable in film noir.

Fascinating the way you've done this. And the anchor (or knot in the bow tie? Resonates loudly with me:

This contemplation of the past is contemptible
beneath cowardice
but the future is fearless; the present less so

***

****

Thank you Sam, Gary, James, Mat, and Amanda, for your comments, and SDR for your suggestion.

*

Technically and emotionally satisfying *

I am curious about the process/evolution of this into the visual form. I love seeing what forms words can take as we weave them together. And I'll echo others, that there is profundity here. *

Thank you, Gary, John, and Emily!

Not sure how to describe the process of the visual form, Emily. I just kept tinkering with the line lengths until the form just "emerged."

I think Emily has the right thread here. It is a weaving, and this poet has earned the right to do it--because he does it admirably and without hesitation. It's not meant to distract, but to turn on the knobs that keep the reader away from the unexpected.A fine. fine job of both thinking and feeling in the poetic realm.

I absolutely love the visual you've created with these words and how you've flipped the lines to create it. Very creative, very outside the box, the poem stimulates the eye as well as the ear. You're a master of the craft, Bill. ***

Thank you, Darryl, and thank you, Charlotte, for your excellent comments!