Make a Mistake with Me
by Ben White
Here's the deal: I'm looking for love but I don't have to time to fuck around trolling for pussy in bars. I work in finance. Yes, I have money. Yes, my apartment building has a doorman. I'm 29, 6'1”, brown-haired, 4-pack abs (yes, that's right, I'm in shape, but it's what I got—sue me), more than little bit bored and lonely.
The proposition: 2 dates.
Date 1: I take you to dinner. Sushi preferred but steak will do. I'll pay. We meet, we talk, we see if we're compatible. We'll catch a cab back to your place where I'll give you a kiss on your cheek while the taxi idles and then you'll go upstairs. If you had fun, you email me, then we have date 2. If you don't, whatever. You got a free dinner; hopefully I had some pleasant company.
Date 2: Meet at a bar. Get shithoused. You pretend you barely know me (even less than you do), take me back to your apartment like I'm a stranger you're about to make mistakes with.
Then, make those mistakes.
Don't worry, I won't sleep over.
If both dates 1 and 2 go well, I figure we got as good of a chance as anyone. I want someone to take care of and someone who is going to take care of me. If you're willing to give me a shot, hit me up. Attach a full-body photo (no headshots, cheaters).
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Author's Note
Another Craigslist love story. Published in the December 2009 issue of PANK:
I enjoyed reading this, Ben. For some reason, I like this guy--his honesty. I would be tempted to answer him affirmatively. You've somehow made him into something more beautiful than a sleaze or a chump--maybe it's at the end where we find out there's potential for the two dates to become three.
This is good, funny, and yeah the guy's honesty is interesting, unexpected.
I'd consider the "I'm tired of wasting..." line. I think it's implied, and think good if the reader brings that to the date/party, so to speak.
I laughed at the "four-pack" abs - most a guy like me can shoot for, even if I want to claim six. Loved the last line and ( ). Nice.
Katrina--thank you for your more than kind words!
David--thank you for talking about getting rid of that line. It was last minute add right before I posted it to make things clearer/imply some backstory, and I wasn't sure if it was necessary.
Glad the humor's working. Craiglist is full of ridiculously upfront people--can make for an interesting read, fiction or not.
This has such a breathless quality. Honesty, desperation, such sadness. I was surprised by at how the ending hit me. Well done.
Thank you Cami, your comments are much appreciated.
Absolutely perfect ending.
Love the guy's voice and I think you kept it at the right length.
Has it been published yet?
Thank you! Nope, this is brand new. Just sent it off to lose its rejection v-card yesterday :)
I honestly think I have read this on Craigslist!!! Too funny. Thanks for the read.
Given the millions of posts and pleas on Craigslist, I can confidently say that the sheers odds are that someone somewhere wrote these exact words.
I've been reading A LOT of craigslist recently in order to try to capture ideas for voices and stories. Thanks for reading!
I thought this was so charming. I'd answer this ad in a minute. There is such honesty to the Date 2 proposal... Nice work.
Thanks Roxane. Forget stories, maybe I should go into ghost-ad-writing.
This is more honest than first dates I've gone on.
Well-captured, entertaining, and you've made a truly sympathetic character out of a guy who leads with "I don't have to time to fuck around trolling for pussy".
Good work.
BTW, I should note -- I was heading to bed, but your title stopped me.
Had to read it.
Just the right amount of desperation, poetic-breathless-flowy-hearty things, dreamlike romance, and middle-class neediness. And then those weren't necessarily in the story, which really sealed the deal.
Very much worth the ten minutes of sleep I just didn't get.
i love this!! i especially like the first line.very funny.
Great piece.