Thin Flame

Phoebe, this is succinct and sadly makes it mark. Good poem!

Tasty. I feel compelled to linky this.

Wonderful, Phoebe! * all the way.

Did wonder if you needed the line "go out", if it might not read better like:

It was impossible
that you wouldn't love me,
like the idea
that the sun could
be extinguished
like a match
by wet fingertips.

Just an idea. The poem rocks either way.

very lovely in its spare yet intense imagery! *

Agreed. Nicely done. Any more and it would have ended up repeating itself. As is it works for me beautifully.

I really like the narrator's bravado at the start... "It was impossible that you wouldn't love me."

My two cents - I agree with James - about eliminating "go out" - makes it even more powerful, spare and whittled.

thanks for nice comments everyone. I wrote it really quickly, trying to get in on that Valentine's Day Massacre (but two hours late, of course). I think you guys are right about nixing the "go out".