The "Just Do It" Moon
The calls come in a few times a week. When the unknown someone calls Safety Now, Radon Testing and Elimination Headquarters, Mrs. R. wonders who it is that just sits silently on the other end of the line. She wants to say, "Look, if you're a bill collector, I hate that you're calling me at work, but since you have, why don't you just ask me for the money? Ask me for the money, or you're probably going to lose your job." Or maybe, "Look, if you're a pervert, just start breathing heavy, then maybe I'll be offended enough to at least star-69 you." Or maybe, "It's almost the full moon. The full moon in Aries, the "just do it" moon. Do you want to go out for a bite to eat?"
And then the person on the other end of that quiet quiet line would say, "Sure, I'd love to do just that." Mrs. R imagines herself living happily ever after with the freak on the other end of the quiet quiet line. She imagines foot massages and bubble baths. She shoves real life off to the side and pays it very little heed. Oh yes, real life was dethroned a long time ago. Real life is Radon and sitting at a desk all day. Real life is driving to and from work while listening to angst-filled music sung by spoiled millionares. Real life is for things that begin with "R". How many words begin with "R"? Rage. Ribcage. Rupture. Relative. Relation. Rose. Rape. Ripple. Redress. Recidivist. Rotary. Rink. Run. Run, Mrs. R, run. She thinks that after awhile she will learn an entire alphabet of quiet, a language of silence. It's a slow day at Safety Now. She sits and circles words in her word-find book. Ripple. Ravishing. Reenactment. She lays her pencil down and picks up the phone and listens. There is no reason to dial.
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Author's Note
What inspired it? Those weird calls that come in occasionally where no one is there.
I really love this. I read it more than once and loved it even more. RFG for Really Fucking Good.
Thanks Jeff. I am going to go back on and change one of those R words to Radon, I think. I wrote that before going to bed last night. I hardly have any time to write! But my first novel is out. ANd that is RFG too! And thanks for the lesson in acronyms cuz I'm pretty out of the loop with all this jazz.
I like this piece. Good form. Especially like "Oh yes, real life was dethroned a long time ago. Real life is Radon and sitting at a desk all day. Real life is driving to and from work while listening to angst-filled music sung by spoiled millionares."
Great writing style here.
Yep, Fave. Best of luck with that novel.
Pheebs, you have such a vivid mind that loves to play with humor and surprise! Wonderful story, just adore this character and her zany inner life that speaks great truths
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I can't believe what a moving story you have created here in 300 or so words. I feel I know Mrs. R. She reminds me of Eleanor Rigby. I see her at her desk at Safety Now, dreaming of a better life. And how eloquently and deftly you give us her backstory: Rage. Ribcage. Rupture. Rape. Etc. Wow. Star.
tHanks, everyone--My novel, Angels Carry the Sun is being nominated for the PEN/Faulkner Award by Lilly Press. Just found out today!
Love this take on Real life! * And good luck with the award!
Great story. Inspired line after inspired line. I really, really like this one.
Such an original voice here, in an original setting. Loved this line "she will learn an entire alphabet of quiet, a language of silence."
Just saw your comment above about being nominated, many, many congrats!
Big yes to this, to Mrs. R, her sad word-find and her "just do it" moon.
a wonderful real life event, as all your stories are.
loved it.