Paul Steven Stone Goes Topless
Breaking News: Noted local writer and very minor celebrity Paul Steven Stone joined a growing list of talentless wannabes to bare skin and a hint of nipple in a shameless attempt to draw attention to his most recent commentary. When asked how far he would go in his efforts to attract unwarranted attention, Stone remarked, “You ain't seen nothing yet!”
In other news, President Obama released his newly proposed budget earlier this week and sent a shock of alarm reverberating across the country. Reporters from The New York Postwent out among the population to gauge the impact of Obama's draconian cuts to many of the country's most basic safety net services.
First to respond was Madonna who assured her worried fan base there was nothing to fear from the elimination of the government's infant nutrition food program. Just back from adopting one or two new infants in Malawi, which is somewhere in Africa or Asia, the Material Girl expressed confidence, after consulting her Kabala soothsayer, that she and her brood of adopted children could comfortably get by on her income and assets, barring “a flood or a nuclear holocaust.”
When asked about her concern for the loss of all Public Broadcasting System funding, Nicole ‘Snooki' Polizzi, star of Jersey Shore and author of an eponymous tell-all memoir in which she never explains how she could pack 55 years of stupid behavior into a 23-year lifespan, also hastened to assure her worried fans. “Yes, there was talk of my hosting Masterpiece on PBS, but I don't think it was a ‘shore' thing, if you get my meaning.”
For those concerned about the drastic cuts in home heating assistance and community health programs, Fox News commentator and Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachman suggested “We could kill two birds with one stone if all the poor people in northern America would just move south. C'mon guys!” she added, in an attempt to spur immediate action.
Lastly, when asked if he had any concern about possible cuts to student tuition grants, community policing funds and worker retraining programs, Donald Trump, who recently teased about a possible 2012 run for the Presidency, said, “I know it's tough, but I don't see any other way to assure a second round of tax cuts next year. Much as I hate to say it, we probably can't afford food stamps either.”
Tune in next week to see how far President Obama, the Republicans and Paul Steven Stone will go to shamelessly pursue their funhouse mirror vision of the American dream.
C'mon guys, keep your pants on!
In other news, President Obama released his newly proposed budget earlier this week and sent a shock of alarm reverberating across the country. Reporters from The New York Postwent out among the population to gauge the impact of Obama's draconian cuts to many of the country's most basic safety net services.
First to respond was Madonna who assured her worried fan base there was nothing to fear from the elimination of the government's infant nutrition food program. Just back from adopting one or two new infants in Malawi, which is somewhere in Africa or Asia, the Material Girl expressed confidence, after consulting her Kabala soothsayer, that she and her brood of adopted children could comfortably get by on her income and assets, barring “a flood or a nuclear holocaust.”
When asked about her concern for the loss of all Public Broadcasting System funding, Nicole ‘Snooki' Polizzi, star of Jersey Shore and author of an eponymous tell-all memoir in which she never explains how she could pack 55 years of stupid behavior into a 23-year lifespan, also hastened to assure her worried fans. “Yes, there was talk of my hosting Masterpiece on PBS, but I don't think it was a ‘shore' thing, if you get my meaning.”
For those concerned about the drastic cuts in home heating assistance and community health programs, Fox News commentator and Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachman suggested “We could kill two birds with one stone if all the poor people in northern America would just move south. C'mon guys!” she added, in an attempt to spur immediate action.
Lastly, when asked if he had any concern about possible cuts to student tuition grants, community policing funds and worker retraining programs, Donald Trump, who recently teased about a possible 2012 run for the Presidency, said, “I know it's tough, but I don't see any other way to assure a second round of tax cuts next year. Much as I hate to say it, we probably can't afford food stamps either.”
Tune in next week to see how far President Obama, the Republicans and Paul Steven Stone will go to shamelessly pursue their funhouse mirror vision of the American dream.
C'mon guys, keep your pants on!
|
1
fav |
950 views
2 comments |
449 words
All rights reserved. |
Author's Note
The strange, sad state of our country inspired me, the need to laugh rather than cry encouraged me, the desire to speak sense through nonsense ruled me.
NOTE: See 'topless' photo at OrSoItSeemsStone.blogspot.com
Other stories by Paul Steven Stone
Tags
Comments
You must
log in
to post comments.
Damn, I wish I would have thought of this. I'll do anything to attract unwarranted attention.
Funny take on current events and culture. Nice way to tie things up at the end.
Hey Christian, thanks for your comments on "Paul Steven Stone Goes Topless". You'll notice I took this opportunity (by referencing my story's title) to once again reach out for unwarranted attention, thereby taking my monomania for self-promotion to new heights. Thanks for the opportunity!