The First poem.
You came to me
like a thunderstorm
when I was in hell.
The storm stopped
abrupt.
You returned in the calm
leaving chaos
I ran.
You found me
Then you stopped
abrupt.
Leaving me with images of
a coffin
and fear
like a thunderstorm
when I was in hell.
The storm stopped
abrupt.
You returned in the calm
leaving chaos
I ran.
You found me
Then you stopped
abrupt.
Leaving me with images of
a coffin
and fear
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Author's Note
This was at the beginning, when all this writing started... I was at a workshop on dreaming and art therapy.
The group shared dreams. The images of a coffin was a theme. When we, then had to create... this was what emerged...
My memories of a previous love who was twice abruptly removed from my life.
Other stories by Lorraine Joubert
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Very strong Lorraine. I especially liked the first two stanzas - the play of storm and he brings calm, then in the calm he brings chaos.
I like your line breaks here, Lorraine. The isolation of "abrupt" is perfectly abrupt! I don't, however, think you gain anything from the last stanza.
A couple of suggestions: (feel free to ignore!)
You came to me
like a thunderstorm
in hell.
...
You returned in the calm
bringing chaos
Thank you, Cherise and Bill. I'll play around with your suggestions.