You'll Have To Come Out Because I Won't Let You In
by Kirsty Logan
your hands on my back, sun-heated,
whispering under the tickle of long grass,
and the pollen of your kisses, and the
shouts of your love shaking the sky
made it worth it when you called me
colleague to your wife, neighbour
to your workmates, distant cousin to
your friends, college buddy to your kids.
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Author's Note
NaPoWriMo, Day 9.
Other stories by Kirsty Logan
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This is damn good.
Kirsty, your NaPoWriMo series amazes. I hope you can pull a book or chapbook out of it.
what ann just said.
As you all know, I'm no expert at poetry but this really sang to me. It is simple yet so strong. Very nice.
my only concern is the literal image of "you" introducing the same person as so many different things to so many different people who would "know" each other. thus, the friends may know the wife who should know the kids who might all be in the same place sometimes...so not sure it holds up, even though i like the "idea" of the different identities
also, for me, the shouts of love shaking the sky seems a tad much
overall, potent writing
As a poem, the lines and form have effective punch. I understand David's point about the generalized you, and it can be problematic. For me, the accusatory tone of the you / your – accusatory in part because of the force of the spoken “you,” but especially because of its repetition - works well here. But that’s my reading of the poem. I like this piece.