My First Love Messages Me On Facebook

by Jennifer Donnell

I unblock my first love on Facebook and he finds me.
It's been 20 years.

Don't tell anyone, but I planned on us getting married
at 18, except that didn't happen
and when that didn't happen
I had to live another life instead.

He tells me that he thinks he reached out as he needed healing
and I wonder if I should diagnose him on the spot,
explain what years of therapy taught me about him.

I don't. 

Instead I compliment a photograph of the pot plants he grows, organic,
in a state where it's legal.

My boyfriend gets mad as 'first love' has a ring to it
and he wants me telling this first love asshole
that I'm with him now.

I do.

But no one is scared away by the term boyfriend,
so I tell him I may die a spinster.

And then I just cry over the fact that I didn't get married at 18 
or now.