Catullus poems 16 and 97 (translations mine - adult content)

by Iain James Robb

 Catullus 16

I will fuck you up the ass and then the mouth,

Furius the catamite, and pederast Aurelius:

you both who think, because my poems are salty,

that I possess your equal lack of shame:

for it's proper for a poet to be moral,

no way essential for it in his poems.

If they are sensitive and a little shameless,

in point of fact, these works have wit and charm,

and can excite an urge, and not in youngsters:

but in hirsute old men whose hard ons fail.

Because you've read my countless lyric kisses,

you think of me as lesser as a man?

Bottom Aurelius and your fuckboy Furius,

I will shove it in your mouth and up your bum.

Catullus 97

You gods, I swear I don't know which is which,

whether I sniff Aemilius' mouth or anus:

the one not clean or dirtier than the other-

in truth the asshole may be preferable.

At least it has no teeth, the mouth has teeth moreover

a half-yard long, with gums like a shit wagon,

and an odour which the slack cunt of a mule

in heat may have, a-piss in heat of summer.

He regards himself a stud, tups many a lady,  

yet is not passed to the donkey's grinding-mill;

and if a girl touch him, would we not think her ready

to lick a hangman's ass, with diarrhoea ill?