unsettling

dreamt i was selling drinks in a park at a fair
men saying lewd things

going to the supermarket to pick up lunch
strange things

papaya over-ripe displayed on the half
with spoons sticking out -
” very ripe, tastes good “

blue crabs cooked with lavender
i was sniffing a spoonful when the chef came out

helped some people behind me
said he knew me

” you know carole & jim nugent, right ? “

it didn't register at first
my god mother & god father

i daydreamed about leading him behind his own counter
through the door, into the next room which was exposed

people could see us pressed up against one another
an embrace. was just a hug 
&  then some

i daydreamed it & then it was happening in the dream

in mexico 
a great swirling hole is swiftly carved
drilled into the earth

great pieces of land moan
& fall, collapsing
slain

the little people just make it out
standing on the edge of this hell

next i was in a cabin of a boat
unreliable narrator
who was i ? invisible, implicit
watching a woman in a red or purple dress
sitting on the window pane

he inside the cabin packing or unpacking clothes

back to the window
he thinks she's enjoying the sights
doesn't see her 

drop

you can't sit on a pane of glass
when it isn't sideways any longer

the man goes out with a helicopter
her dad piloting

suspended by a bungee cord
he sweeps the sea
in search of her clinging to a life saver

nothing.

they return to the new base
in mexico

jim & carole mock me
” i heard you wouldn't even give him a hug.”

” that's not true ! “ 

they laugh. ” ah so the truth comes out… “

no one is looking for the woman in the dress

awake now
i too 
regret 
leaving her at sea

tell me
if she lives
how

how many days lost
can you live
out at sea ?