Fascination
Lying all over itself like a rotten bungee cord, a small brown snake waits in a crevice in the stone wall. Not even shiny, ordinary as dirt, it has claimed its place before the sun climbs over the pine trees to warm up the rocks. I lie on the deck, head over the edge, looking down through binoculars like some big predator's eyes.
The snake moves ever so slightly all directions at once, thousands of perfect scales looping like cars on a gridlocked cloverleaf. It slips out of a crack, glides underneath a blade of grass that keeps perfectly still, and disappears around a rock until it comes out the other side, its body unwinding behind.
What astonishing grace, this crooked line along a dark crack, tongue like tiny lightning, head lifted eye to eye coming straight to face me as if to say, “See? I am a small brown snake, not even shiny, ordinary as dirt. But what the fuck are you?”
|
8
favs |
1156 views
17 comments |
166 words
All rights reserved. |
Author's Note
This is an experimental form I thought up-- lyrical nature writing with a twist. I know it's a little perverse, but I'm like that.
Other stories by Dianne McKnight-Warren
Tags
Comments
You must
log in
to post comments.
I'm still laughing. Speaking of wonderful, this is it! I see that snake, and I see your binoculared eyes studying it.
Beautiful description of the snake.
*
*Love the whole sly piece and laughed out loud when you snake spoke up.
*
Nice! I especially love the closing line, and how it repeats the phrase "not even shiny, ordinary as dirt" from the first par.
"The snake moves ever so slightly all directions at once, thousands of perfect scales looping like cars on a gridlocked cloverleaf."-- nice comparison!
By "experimental" I get the impression it's a WIP, so I hope you don't mind some suggestions? I'm not sold on the title, to tell the truth. And, just a thought, because there is no greater predator on earth than ourselves, instead of the comparison, maybe consider "looking down through binoculars with my big, predator's eyes." (But don't listen to me, ha, because I probly woulda had the snake actually say that last line!)
*
Thank you Mathew, Erika, Gary, Nonnie, and Ray!
And Ray, thanks for the suggestions! I appreciate all the help I can get. Truly, I do.
I don't think I have written any magical realism or surrealism ever. I should try. Maybe I will make that snake talk.
I think the title's kind of mundane too. :)
Hmm. If if the snake talks, that means it can read minds too! (This is one special snake.) It's pissed off, who or what wouldnt be, being thought of as "ordinary as dirt".
Oh boy, it's gonna get complicated.... I know how to do that.
"tongue like tiny lightning"
Superb.
Excellent.
*, Dianne. You had me looking over your shoulder, observing the "small brown snake" with you. Really well-written.
Thank again Ray and thanks Bill, Gary, and David. Encouragement and engaged readers is what it's all about. I love FN .
"ordinary as dirt", wonderful.
"What astonishing grace, this crooked line along a dark crack, tongue like tiny lightning"
A good piece. Enjoyed the read.
Thank you Kitty and thank you Sam. Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate your time and attention.
This made me laugh and I love it.
"What astonishing grace, this crooked line"..
Thank you, Darryl. Much appreciated.