Keepers
by David Ackley
His hands go up and down on me. You love me don't you he says. I don't know I say. He pushes me down. His head moves and I see the wall out the window. When somebody talks on that side I keep still. On this side I play with the little girl. He gave another girl a doll. She threw it away and the head broke on the ground. Brown. Sky blue. Leaves green. Wall grey and brown. Cars shup shup by. Dark in the crack. Dina's my mommy the girl says. Who says. Dina. No I'm that. I can't say the other word. You were in here. I point where I kept her. How did I get out she says. Here I say and point. It's too small. It got big. Did I hurt. You hurt. Another little girl used to cry all the time. Cry. Cry. Cry. They didn't want you he told her they gave you to me and went away. After a while she went away. I stayed. Once he takes me out. Keep quiet he says don't look at them and they won't see you. They don't. You have to keep quiet. Shut the fuck up Dina says to me. If I go down you're going too he says to her. Then those two are gone and you come and all of them and it's bright. Bright. The girl holds my hand and I hold yours tight tight.
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Author's Note
Thanks again, to Sheldon Lee Compton, for publishing this in the very fine A- Minor.
And now( Feb. 2011) deepest thanks to the same good angel and A-Minor for nominating "Keepers" for the 2011 Story South Million Writers Award.
Other stories by David Ackley
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Wow. I think you've made the right choice in using stream of consciousness to illuminate this dark subject matter -- the voice and imagery work so well. And that last line's a killer. *
Thanks Julie. There was a deal of uncertainty doing this which your kind comment helps allay.
amazing piece, david. wonderful ending. can't think why you'd be uncertain about this piece. works like a charm for me - spinning various wheels of meaning, no, not a wheel, a pin-ball machine. tight tight, yes. score.
This seemed to speed mostly past w/o comment, Marcus, aside from you and Julie. I've done things like this before but not recently. The plight of someone whose growth and language were abducted spoke deeply to me, a plight I tried to convey in the suppressed diction of this piece. thanks so very much for your comment.
Of course you know I dig this story a lot, David. In fact, I like that you've grouped it at A-Minor because it gives me a chance to tell folks that I'm happy to have this jewel scheduled for publication at A-Minor in December. Love this broken and beautiful wing of a story, man.
Sheldon, thanks once again. Your response to my work, your words and the feeling behind them is a flat-out joy.
Interesting, David. Hard to write about things like this and you did it well, a bit vague, subtle language and interesting word choices. Cars shup, shup by is brilliant.
Thanks, Shelagh. Yes, vague is about right. Deprived not of the knowing but the saying.
Good piece.
Hey, Matthew, thanks for noticing this Piece...very glad you liked it.
I love this. And very cool that it is going to be published at A-Minor. The colors, the voice, the pace. It's all just perfect.
Hey, Jane, thanks for checking this out and the kind comment. So glad it worked for you.
I love the voice of the story: stream-of-consciousness prose poetry. It's very effective, moving and terrorizing and you convey the ambivalent emotion at the end so achingly well.