I wanted to know, but the subject was
something I seem to have lost. That feeling
never found. You never even waved a
goodbye when you had the chance, to make it
uncomplicated I mean, I don't care.
I wanted to see, but the one thing I
wanted to say to you was like having
the direct sun in my face. Those lonely
ashes made such a fool out of me. Could
have said goodbye, instead you took my words
away. I wanted to feel something real,
but it was hard enough to inhale and
exhale without losing balance. Sometimes
that's all that can be said about a wind
full of disillusions. I wanted to
be somewhere besides stuck in between the
roaring mountain and the vast silent seas
with you. I wanted to sing, the tune came
out so slowly, like a leaf unfurling
over time you didn't have; I couldn't
stop its inevitable souvenir
from arriving too late to keep you from
driving in a deep black car with a dream
diver at the wheel. The poem scraped up
the fallen pieces and blew them into
floating curtains again, into the high
dense grasses. Little kites, now asleep, all
alone. I wanted to think I could wait
for something more than sadness, but darkness
was the only kindness for many years.
All my love letters are still there being written.
I wanted to carry on, and to lead myself
to the better days ahead. Lover, that
turning around wave would have meant so much
to my state of mind. Your tide has left me
and here I'll stay. I wanted to make more
than just shadows on the wall, but others
seem satisfied with this captured outcome
of our story. I wanted to let you
own their truth, if you want it, but now I
have made a grape out of you doing it
that way for them; love's battleground surely
must be blessed: I'll be there with you when you
decide to believe in it. Draw your laugh
and be strong. Turn around and look. Don't keep
them waiting. Don't want to wonder any
longer, but all I've got is something so
unconditional, somewhere in the whole
unconventional stars above. See, it
wasn't the moon. I'm grateful for some light.