by Daniel Harris

Wanted: Woman with wit, repartee skills, education and looks. Conversation, verbal dualing and ??? Respond to Seeker.

Dear Seeker: Call me: 212 896-3459. Natalya

Natalya  answered the phone. “Hello?”

“This is Seeker.”


“You answered my ad.”

“Yes, you are Seeker?”


“Do you want to meet?”


“I want to check your brains. Are you sentient?

“Are you?”

“I'm brilliant”

“Not if you advertise yourself on the back page of the Village Voice.”

“I have no social skills. I have lived alone for the last twelve years since my wife died.”

“How old are you?”

“Old enough to know better, young enough to still perform.”

“I'm young enough to have children and old enough to know better.”

“You don't want children?”


“Aren't those underpants for the incontinent?”

“Do you watch television?”


Then you know that is a Senator Bob Dole's answer.”

“No, I took care of a sick parent.”

“What else did you get from your parents?

There was a long pause.

“Are you setting me up to kill me?”


“Caution, that's what I got from my parents. I'm like a gazelle on the Serengeti , cautious.

“Did they teach you that?”

“No, I was born with it.”

“Are you afraid of sex?”



“I don't have an answer.”

“Maybe you had a bad experience.”

“Yes and no. I don't know good sex from bad. I only know the hurt.”

“Does that mean you have had sex without love?”

“What is love? What is sex? How are they related?

“I don't know.  Were you raped?

“If having sex without feeling is rape, then the answer is yes. If sex without consent is rape, then no.

“Did you have feelings for the partner, rape or no rape?”

“I thought so, but I was desperate for affection.”

“What is the most intimate sexual experience you've had?”

“A wonderful kiss. To kiss is more important than sexual intercourse.”

“You sound perfect.”

“I have to see you.”

“I work at Kinkos on west 14th Street from four in the afternoon to midnight.

“Maybe I'll visit you.”