"Ghost" by Arlene Tribbia

Ghost

It would wander the hallways after the 3:45 bell, after the last class, after the students had all disappeared with the homework they'd never finish, the papers they'd forget to write, after Nate the janitor pushed his broom through the endless doorways, after all the teachers climbed back into their lives, there was a ghost whose silent footsteps floated softly through the classrooms, trailing soft reminders of green lawns and lavender, as it swept over the pages of Mr. White's history book on top of his desk, the one he always left open so the following morning he wouldn't forget where he left off in the shadowy story of wars and fat generals, their famous battles, the fall of cities and civilizations written to bore not only our most curious minds, but even the ghost, who had trouble believing all the names and dates and the important points of battle, so it slipped out the window after us, trickling secrets and whispering gossip in our ears about the prom king and queen, and how their love wouldn't stand the test of time or even last until next Saturday night.

Stephen Stark, Sep 25, 2009

A very nice lyricism here. There's something odd, though, in the construction "It would wander..., ...,there was a ghost..."

Cami Park, Sep 25, 2009

I like this-- ethereal, evocative.

Andrew Bowen, Sep 25, 2009

A magical flow. The rendering is so engrossing that by the end, I realized that I never blinked.

Elizabeth Hegwood, Oct 01, 2009

Arlene, I like this a lot, but I wanted something to be a little more...immediate about it, does that make sense? For me, it's all in the past, which is a level of remove, and the characters and ghost feel a beat too far away from me.

So it occured to me, what if the narrator is the ghost and this is written in the first person? For some reason I love the idea of the ghost saying:

"I slipped out the window after them, trickling secrets and whispering gossip in their ears about the prom king and queen, and how their love wouldn't stand the test of time or even last until next Saturday night."