Belief

"The frost spread a white fur on the bonnet. The windows got icy, like broken stars the ice spread across the glass. Next to the parked car was white van. A little grumpy dog with a dirty chin stared at the girl, pushed his muzzle out of the cracked down window"
--Heart stabbing child belief, backed by a writing marked by compassion. The father/daughter/mother/drink story, in the land of Frank McCourt and others. It's the WAY this story is told that keeps us reading. Thanks for sharing this one--

thanks gary- i've tried and failed to tell this story lots of times, deleted them all, and finally knew how to do it. i think the compassion is what it lacked befre, the lack of judgement is what it seemed to need x

isn't that the thing?--to treat all our characters, no matter how unlikable--with fairness. no tricks. truth in fiction.

Oh, it's beautiful, Angel! I love the moments in this piece and their whole. xoxo, H

"He, her grandma woulduse no other word to describe the father, just like she never said rat, because it was unlucky, instead she only said long tail." PERFECT.

thanks guys. i'm getting into trying to make even the most unusal charcters somehow have truth in their lives- that redeems them within their own world.it's a challenge x

Making fog on the window like a dragon--perfect.He never got impatient--nails the reason and the feeling.Like broken stars the ice spread--nice foreshadowing.Daddy's secret.Yes, she did have a good time. The honesty and innocence is right there next to the great big lie. Ouch.

thanks daryl -ouch is a nice reaction :)

angel -- this is a lovely story. per: your earlier comment, i think your decision not to pass judgment on the father makes the story complex and real. too many good sentences on which to comment. look forward to reading your other work!

thank you so much lauren, you are too kind x

Hi Angel,

This was a terrific, moving read. I echo all the comments that have gone before. I'm sure if this is finished, or if you wanted specific feedback? I would just comment that I feel the first paragraph could finish at "long tail." A lighter touch here would make this piece even more powerful, I think.
Brava.

the little grumpy dog got me for some reason, gives a feel to the neighborhood, the place, they're in. i really liked reading this. thank you.

thanks ethel, when i edit it i'll probably end that first section there- its a very good idea. thanks for thoughtful feedback a x