The Meaning of Lines
by Lola E.
Hold your breath
The smoke here is thick, I know
Ice underfoot, let it burn, let it go, but don't ask me to
take your hand
You have never been so patient as to sit and wait
even for the sun to rise
Watch, now, here it comes
cresting over the hill as one large eye
boiling the glass
long frozen to your fingers
Spread out beneath gossamer, rowan, birch
These are all yours to keep, she told you once
Your years, your errs, stretched across
this dappled sky, broken and cracked
scorched to its core
Beyond recognition, surely, and unmistakably yours, yes
yours
Written 2015, April 24
10:55 am
*
Nice texture and sounds
What Gary said, and this amazing visual: "Watch, now, here it comes
cresting over the hill as one large eye boiling the glass
long frozen to your fingers." *
Thank you all for your comments. Glad to hear them.
The third stanza is a good one. I also like how "the hill as one large eye / boiling the glass" centers the piece. I don't know if closing the poem with a one word stanza is your intention - I know Fictionaut does scramble formatting at times - but it's unexpected and a fresh way to close. I like the poem.
"cresting over the hill as one large eye
boiling the glass
long frozen to your fingers"
Good work.
Watch, now, here it comes
cresting over the hill as one large eye
boiling the glass
long frozen to your fingers
Spread out beneath gossamer, rowan, birch
These are all yours to keep, she told you once
Your years, your errs, stretched across
this dappled sky, broken and cracked
scorched to its core