Forum / Adrian Lyne Has A Message For You

  • Gun.thumb
    Chris Okum
    Dec 08, 10:12am

    And the message is this: if you cheat on your spouse someone is going to die. And you know who's going to die? The stranger whom you cheated on your spouse with. You're not going to die, and the cuckolded spouse is not going to die. No, what's going to happen to the two of you is that you're going to be angry at each other for a while. Your spouse is going to be angry at you because you cheated on them, and you're going to be angry at your spouse for whatever nebulous reason (you're safe, you're not exciting, you're predictable, you're stable, you don't take them from behind/you won't let them take you from behind in the stairwell) that made you want to cheat on them in the first place. But don't worry. Please, no, don't. Adrian Lyne doesn't want you to worry. Because in the end the two of you will work everything out. You know why? Because you're both incredibly attractive and successful. Not to mention the both of you have a kid to raise. So stop being so impulsive. Adrian is worried that you're nothing more than a prisoner of your appetites. So the next time a nymphomaniac gives you "the look," or a bookish stud tries to seduce you with some lines of Tennyson he memorized, do yourself a favor and walk away. Because if you don't, a person you hardly know (but whom you've surrendered yourself to sexually and emotionally, and thank God you did, because if you hadn't you never would have known what kind of pleasure your body was capable of feeling [pleasure your spouse, bless their heart, was never really capable of inducing you to feel, even though they tried, they did, bless their hearts], never would have been liberated from your bougie notions of what good sex was, never would have discovered how tasty cold Chinese food can be, especially if it's eaten while wearing a pilled, grey sweater three sizes too large ) is going to wind up dead, and they're probably going to die very violently, in such a way that it would lead you to believe that maybe they got what was coming to them. But that's neither here nor there. What's most important is that you stay out of trouble. Because Adrian can't stand it when he sees two people who basically love each other being ripped apart by something as inconsequential and a random peccadillo. And that's all it is, just some minor offense you committed, and why you should you be punished for giving in to temptation? This is what Adrian wants to know? It happens to the best of us. And by the best of us, Adrian means CEOs and Ad Execs and Architects and Filmmakers who got their start doing commercials for beer and cars and perfume. These people are the best of us. Look at their homes. Look how tastefully decorated they. Look at their sensible yet just a tad luxurious cars. Look at their cutting-edge appliances. Look at their well-manicured gardens. This is not the enemy. These are people who grow their own parsnips for Christ's sake. No, the enemy over there. That guy and that girl. The ones with the shabby chic lofts. The ones with the unruly coifs. The ones who listen to world music. The ones with cheap mugs. Fuck those people. They're the reason you can't keep your dick in your pants. They're the reason you stopped wearing panties on the train ride to work. They're the reason your kid looks all confused and wants to know why Mommy and Daddy keep crying at the dinner table. And so they're the ones who need to be punished. And so they shall. Adrian just wanted you to know this. He wanted to make sure you got the message. Because he thought maybe you weren't listening to him. It's kind of loud in here, what with the music and all.

  • White.thumb
    Henry Standing Bear
    Dec 08, 04:52pm

    Excited to find this here...very cool, and I grand story. Gonna post my next story in the Forum.

  • Wince_cover2.thumb
    Barry Basden
    Dec 08, 05:33pm

    Oooo. Speaking strictly as CPR's editor, I'm sorry this is 664 words long.

    Fave!? Or am I in the wrong place? I sometimes (often) get so confused...

  • Abstract_sound.thumb
    Brenda Bishop Blakey
    Dec 08, 08:03pm

    Actually, this may be the place to order the tasty cold Chinese food. If so, I need two Kung Pao chicken for home delivery, please. Also, an order of stir-fried duck rice with extra peccadillo sauce.

    ***

  • Rebel.thumb
    Sally Houtman
    Dec 09, 01:10am

    Word to the wise...

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OZHe3GYQp_8

  • Better.thumb
    Smiley McGrouchpants, Jr-Esq-III
    Dec 24, 12:56am

    This shit's so awesome, I can't even stand it. Thanks for saying what was in all our heads, Chris, even if we didn't know it! Now, we can be free ...

    TRUE FUCKIN' STORY: I saw "Fatal Attraction" with THIS person (& three others), and she STOOD UP and yelled, "Kill the bitch!" at the, uh, appropriate point (or should I say, "prompt")?

    I first heard and I was like, "Is that the same ... yup, it's her!"

    http://www.realitytvworld.com/news/apprentice-2-contestant-jennifer-crisafulli-loses-real-world-job-due-show-remarks-2951.php

  • Frankenstein-painting_brenda-kato.thumb
    Sam Rasnake
    Dec 24, 06:43pm

    Good writing, Chris. *

  • Night_chorus_book_cover.thumb
    Joani Reese
    Dec 25, 01:02am

    This is so meta I just don't know how to respond. Awesome!

  • Nuclearman2_1_.thumb
    Christian Bell
    Dec 30, 02:50pm

    I just discovered this and it's fantastic. I might have to post my next story in the forum.

    Didn't there used to be some group here on Fictionaut that encouraged doing things like posting stories in the Forum and other hijinx? Meta something or other? Nah, I'm just imagining that, I'm sure.

  • You must log in to reply to this thread.