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Dear Sir


by TheChickWithThePen


[Lights up on CLAUDE. He's holding a letter, standing.]

CLAUDE:
       Dear sir,
       We regret to inform you
       That your (that place with cream walls and dog hair where warm nights are cracked by
                           broken windows
                           shattered glass
                           ceilings let you sink into plaid cushions and listen
                           to your own heart
                           live safe or sound
                           loud enough for you) your house home is being forclosed.

Sir, you've missed your payments and refuse to pay your fines in blood and silver as per our demands.

Dear Sir, dear friend, I love you with my lips but I love your money more
And now you've dried up in the Arizona sun
And the leeches have become ravenous.

Dear Sir, we regret to inform you
                That your (you know, that person whose soul's entwined with yours
                                    or yours with hers
                                    hard to tell when electric blue
                                    turns icy
                                    soft caresses
                                    soft landings for tears
                                    radiant smiles
                                    that person you love enough to forge the terms for love
                                    and make it real) your wife

is a gold-digging slut and you've wrapped your eyes in rose-colored saran wrap all this time.

Dear Sir,

Our deepest sympathies for your loss of everything you held dear.
We know it's hard to lose someone,
especially if that someone
is yourself.
But it's good to say goodbye, so remember to wave at your soul
as it leaves you
one piece of furniture at a time.
Remember to laugh at the empty spaces
Reeking with silence of the absent.

Dear Sir,

It is of utmost importance that you understand how fucked you are.
And how sorry we are to hear it.
If this letter has been sent in error, the error is yours, not ours.

Don't forget to send us your new address in Hell or Detroit, it amounts to the same thing.

Sincerely.
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