The Judger

by Steven Gowin

I will judge. I want to be a judger.

Better not hand me that iPhone
I'll look up every damned thing in it
Got any Bessie Smith or Warren Z?
I thought not.

I'll snoop. I'm a snooper
I'll go through all your shit
What about books I might like?
Raymond Chandler or Junie B Jones?

I'm squealing. I'll say anything.
Your husband and that Shanghai girl?
I already knew that, remember?
I'm the one who told you.

Gimme that wallet, I'll have it
Too many photos of high school hair
Blood AB, rare but not much
Loonies, really? C'mon

I'll damn well judge. Judge you alright
I don't give a shit; judge me back
Destroy my ass
Call my children ugly

It's all true. Bring it the fuck on.