Easter: A Non-Fiction.

by stephen hastings-king

A long day of conviviality, my Easter ended with:


a)      A desire to go rowing in the evening air at slack high tide.

b)      The arrival of my friend Dr. Dave in a pathologically rustic rowboat.

c)      An offer was proffered that was to make desire and actuality one.

d)      When I got to the dock the boat had been leaking.  Again, apparently.

e)      While Dr. Dave pumped out the boat, I held it close to the dock.

f)        I did this with one leg whilst the other remained on the aforementioned dock

g)      That is until some unfortunate concatenation of attention lapse, muscular activity, beverage effect, body weight and bad luck caused the boat to begin moving away from the dock

h)      Rather more rapidly than was anticipated, or would have been had there been any anticipation

i)        Which of course there wasn't.

j)        Then I found myself in the water.

k)      The water was cold but fortunately I was wearing a sweater.

l)        Then another kind gentleman in the restaurant in front of which this happened

m)    Did I mention that the restaurant was full?  O yes it was.

n)      And that it has giant windows that look out over the dock? O yes it does.

o)      Then another kind gentleman was able to stop laughing long enough to come down and fish me out of the water because

p)      There's no ladder because it is not customary for people to swim off that dock because, well, there's no ladder.

q)      Then I decided that since I had already gone to all that trouble for a ride in that boat, then, goddamn it, I was going for a ride in that boat.

r)       So I was rowed away to destinations unknown.

s)       On the way, I was handed an accordion and commanded to play something.

t )   But because I was very wet I did not acquit myself as I otherwise might have.