Easter: A Non-Fiction.
A long day of conviviality, my Easter ended with:
a) A desire to go rowing in the evening air at slack high tide.
b) The arrival of my friend Dr. Dave in a pathologically rustic rowboat.
c) An offer was proffered that was to make desire and actuality one.
d) When I got to the dock the boat had been leaking. Again, apparently.
e) While Dr. Dave pumped out the boat, I held it close to the dock.
f) I did this with one leg whilst the other remained on the aforementioned dock
g) That is until some unfortunate concatenation of attention lapse, muscular activity, beverage effect, body weight and bad luck caused the boat to begin moving away from the dock
h) Rather more rapidly than was anticipated, or would have been had there been any anticipation
i) Which of course there wasn't.
j) Then I found myself in the water.
k) The water was cold but fortunately I was wearing a sweater.
l) Then another kind gentleman in the restaurant in front of which this happened
m) Did I mention that the restaurant was full? O yes it was.
n) And that it has giant windows that look out over the dock? O yes it does.
o) Then another kind gentleman was able to stop laughing long enough to come down and fish me out of the water because
p) There's no ladder because it is not customary for people to swim off that dock because, well, there's no ladder.
q) Then I decided that since I had already gone to all that trouble for a ride in that boat, then, goddamn it, I was going for a ride in that boat.
r) So I was rowed away to destinations unknown.
s) On the way, I was handed an accordion and commanded to play something.
t ) But because I was very wet I did not acquit myself as I otherwise might have.
sorry about the indentations at p. my attempts to fix it somehow only made the indentation creep up the column. i quit while i was ahead still.
that sweater will never dry out as will your memory of that day.
Jesus got resurrected so you could get baptized in front of a full house, Stephen. Or something.
Assuming this took place in Essex, funny enough I was actually there the day before (Saturday), taking my mother out to dinner for her birthday. It was a seafood restaurant but I don’t think it overlooked the water. Either way I am sorry I seem to have just missed these events.
More importantly, glad you were okay enough to shrug it off and share it with us.
Unusual form, but it so works! I could see this happening, literally as I read ... loved the slight expositional lapse between (l) & (m).
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I like the way you put this one together. I like what you said and the way you said it.
Great material and excellent use of form.
"Then I found myself in the water." Been there, which is why now I only get in sturdy boats that someone else controls.
thanks very much for the reads and lovely responses.
when i made this piece it made me laugh---maybe partially with nervousness as it was, frankly, a close call: any number of things could have happened differently and the results could have been not funny at all. i liked the letters because they gave a sense of entailment to things that really shouldn't have followed one another.
@neil-->there's only two seafood places in essex that aren't facing the water--the village and the marlin. hope you enjoyed either of them. if you're through again and know it's to happen in advance, send me a message. perhaps we can have a beverage.
Jerome K. Jerome meets Michel Butor.
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This is very good. I believe you, that it's real, cause who could make this stuff up? I like the way you put it into letter sequence, a sort of tallying up of your day...
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