Your Horoscope

by Michael J. Solender

Your Birthday Today
A most inauspicious year is in store for you.
Consider sitting this one out.
If you must expose yourself, do so
in a way where you can easily affix
blame to others. Inner peace eludes you.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Relatives cast a suspicious eye towards
your extremely modest success. Motives will be questioned
by those most close to you. Continue to shirk responsibility
but in a way that isn't easily questioned.

Aquarius (Jan. 20 — Feb 18)

Finally the monkey is off your back. Make a big purchase today
regardless of your ability to pay. You deserve rewards in spite
of what others say.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
Today shows tremendous promise. Just not for you.
Try a different excuse when calling out sick. Coworkers are
wise to you.

Aries (March 21-April 19)
Have you been putting off
an important decision or project?
Continue procrastination beyond
deadline and then foist issue upon
spouse or lover. Or both.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Look for hidden meaning from
talking head pundit. Hint: He's on FOX
and cries. A lot. Heed his advice and buy his book.

Gemini (May 21 — June 20)
Make the first move. Don't wait for a signal.
Leap, don't bother looking. Avoid action at grave peril.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)
You finally catch a break. Double down and
take the risk you've been avoiding.
People in your position don't
have much to lose.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
Clean your refrigerator.
Do it now.

Virgo ( August 23-Sept. 22)

Doubt consumes you.
Maybe it should.
Maybe it should not.

Libra (Sept 23-October 22)

You are inspired
by an ingenious plan.
Inspiration continues
to frighten you. Wait
until your are certain.

Scorpio (Oct. 23 — Nov. 21)
Today is well suited
for mating
with others.
Tests prove negative.

Sagittarius (Nov.22 — Dec. 21)
Listen to the voices
inside your head.
They speak to you
for a reason.
Now is not the time for debate.