Still Life (55 words)
It wasn't so much the softness of the bed that kept her from sleep, or the pungent bleach-scent of the unfamiliar sheets, but the lack of her clock's familiar tick, tick, tick. Or was it a missing heartbeat? Awake, she watched his chest. On the table, an empty pill bottle next to an empty glass.
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Perfectly suspended on the note of anxious anticipation, the piece beautifully measured out.
Oh, boy. A dreaded moment done with precise accuracy. I could smell the bleached sheets
*
Like this a lot. So much rendered in so few words... the silence is intense. "Awake, she watched his chest."
All the descriptions work together, adding layers to this 55 worder. Great example of how just the right title adds resonance and meaning and lyricism in a very short space. Sad, weighty piece.
Mary, this is superb. Tight. Evocative. I went to your website and read your blog. Lively, woman!
Wow. A potent miniature. Less is indeed more.
Nice work in a micro space.
thank you everyone who commented on this one. the support here is really amazing.
And your 55-worder is amazing. A perfect example of the new micro fiction axiom, "Brevity creates intensity". The closing sentence provides reader-involvement: who took the pills? The protagonist or the guy?
Judith Lawrence of Lilly Press created this smashing 55 word Group! She is a talented painter as well as a great person, writer, editor and publisher.
One of my favorites of the 55s.
This is wonderful writing. *
Thank you, Kim. I appreciate the support!
mary