by Lily Hoang
At night, I fold your name in origami doves and blow, hard, and you are disassembled come morning.
I've never written a love letter. So here it is: a love letter.
This story has no tags.
THIS IS FUN.PLAY WITH IT.
At night, I'll fold
your name in orgami
doves and blow, hard,
until you are disassembled.
this is great!
is it just the mood i'm in that makes me not want to read the title ironically? like, it really is a love letter, just one w/ a different feeling about that love....
Very nice. The folding of the name... such a great line.
Great start to Fictionaut. The folding of the name is fantastic.
thanks, all. i've trimmed it down some. made it leaner. your comments are very helpful!
Lily, I like this version even better. Makes me want to write something.
Hey, Lily. A lot packed into these two well-constructed sentences.
I did, however, do something strange because, well I do that often times. Here was the strange thing: I read your intro remarks and then the piece and blended it together. The result was me suggesting you add the intro remarks to the piece.
hi sheldon, thanks. what does it look like?
I agree with Sheldon Lee Compton that the intro. remark "improves" the "love letter," but I like the intro. remark to the side as it is already displayed on this page. I'm not sure if you wrote it on one page, etc. for "submission" that it would improve the "love letter." This is very between prose poem and flash fiction as I see it and brings in the genre "letter" simultaneously. That's doing a lot in a small space. It makes me think of a koan.
a lot diff now! better, yeah. really lots better in that there are different ways to go w/ it but they're all kindred....
i like reading this a lot.
my lil vote: the title is intro enough
ps--post this one to Nanoism group?
thanks, scott. how does one post to a group? this whole thing is new to me.
i'd call this hint fiction, lily
another revision. i hope to make this so lean it contains nothing but punctuation.
Yes, origami, yes.
right above the title when u hit it, there's a little page/arrow icon w/ the words 'Group It'-- that's how u send it to a group... but i think u have to join the group first....
I could read pages and pages of these.
m: you're too kind. i could pages and pages of you.