next love letter

I love every word of this and I really appreciate the juxtaposition of the title, the expectation it creates, and the unexpected imagery in the story itself. Fine fine writing, again.

BOO-YAH!

Not sure that is apt but I had to say it. This is wondrous.

I agree with Roxane about loving every word. I'd get on one knee for "will storm an infection" and "sharp fabric of your tongue."

thank you for both of your very generous words. i was actually questioning the "sharp fabric of your tongue." i was worried it was a little cliche...

Lily, I am the king of cliches so maybe see what others think. To me (and I'm not as well read as I'd like to be), it felt new, unexpected, and vivid.

Hi Lily,

I think the phrase toys with cliché but I also think that clichés are unavoidable at times and that the only time a cliché is a problem is when it is written poorly. Within the context of this story, I think the phrase works and the part of the story that really stands out is the last line with the storming infection and inking. That phrasing is original enough that your readers will forgive any hint of cliché in the preceding lines.

It begs for even more. That's power. Use it. I think you should explore this theme over and over and see what happens. This one is very bright.

For sure, "storm an infection" pushes my reading button, pushes my in awe button. You've hunkered down and really gotten lost in the language, mapped out a place that is fresh. Great job.

thank you all! i've changed some words around. i couldn't quite justify cutting anything, but still, i like my adjustments. please let me know what you think!

I appreciate how you've rearranged things here, Lily. It has a new compactness that I quite like.

fantastic

Really like this! Nice compact vivid poetry.