by Kathy Fish
When Jane was greedy, her mother would say she had a little pink pig inside her. All you do is want and take, baby, she said. They moved into a new house when Jane started high school. A bigger one they could all fit into, in a better neighborhood, but Jane liked the old house better. The clapboard with the cave basement and one bathroom and a toilet between her bedroom and the kitchen and that steep staircase that everyone had fallen down, then dreamed of falling down, and that attic the birds could get into and fly, fly down the staircase and into the living room and slam into the walls and that back porch and that garden and that crab apple tree and that incinerator on the block and those morning glories blooming on that back fence and the rhubarb and the hollyhocks and the neighbor girl with braces on her legs who came around collecting for Easter Seals. Once, Jane watched her mother remove her wedding ring with butter. She watched her fix her hat and her lipstick and walk out the door. And later, she watched her father push her mother into the lime green wall and Jane ran and came back, ran and came back, until she grew up and rode a train through the snow to Chicago and drank whiskey sours and gimlets, tipping the glass under a veil she wore over her face.
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All you do is want and take, baby, she said.
The use of "baby" makes this sentence so damn sad.
Also the "ran and came back, ran and came back," work oh so well.
As usual, you nail the last line.
Thanks, David. This one feels old fashioned to me, the imagery of this. It's sort of 60s I guess.
It does feel old fashioned, in a good way. Curious where you'll send it out. The butter/wedding ring image (following Gary Moshimer's "Rose Gold" image of the ring being sawed off), makes me gently finger my own ring, make sure I can get it off. Training for the marathon makes me feel like the character in your Staccato story, and not in a good way!
Not sure, I am open to suggestions, but I have others, like this, that have that old fashioned feel and I think they may not appeal so much.
Good luck with the marathon!
Love how the body of this very short story moves in one breath and covers years. The details: birds that go in through the attic and fly down the stairs to the living room.
thanks for reading, Ann
I love it.
WWR. :(
http://willowsweptreview.blogspot.com
:)
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Thanks, Molly!
Yay!
Perhaps the most unprofessional (yet cutest) solicitation ever.
Ha, well it made me smile. Thanks again!
greatness...Molly
This is great. Thanks, Kathy.
if you could distill an alice munro story, say, into 250 words or so, the long history and complex familial connections, you might wind up with something as good and brief as this--
Thanks, Ken! I hope you post a story soon.
You are always so generous in your reading and comments, Gary. Thanks so much.
Dang. Another beauty!
and thanks for reading this one too, Katrina! you are kind...
I got so sucked into this story. I love it when a story has one tone at the beginning and then has this super-wry twist at the end.
I'm glad you liked it, Jamey. Thanks for reading!
I just love that image of the little pink pig inside Jane, and the closing one of her drinking and wearing a veil. What of the mother, too. She will stay with me. You cover so much time, space, story, and humanity here. Excellent.
You are such a generous reader here, Ethel. Thanks so much.
Wow. There's story everywhere in this piece, inside the rhythm of these sentences, Kath. The simple declaration of the beginning, and then a voracious hunger (v. greed?) for details and memory and proof and understanding that fills the piece until it seems ready to burst. Interesting that what baby wants is the old house, not the new better house, so the want is about, what?I think, maybe, answers?
Oh you are an astute reader, Pia. Thank you. I had just vowed to take a break from F'naut for awhile when you show up. Now I'll have to stay and see if you put up more stories.
I think I could stop reading at Easter Seals. I can't believe I'm saying this, because I'm more of a novel type. I can't believe I'm saying the short could be shorter. The beginning is really really strong though. It feels as if it's written for my psyche personally.What is described appears random/haphazard but it's not, every stop is the perfect stop.
I think I see exactly what you're saying here, Andrea. It sort of shift, right there, after Easter Seals, which is what I wanted to do, but I see stopping right at that point too. I'm happy to see a novelist enjoy something this short, thanks!
love love how you play with sentence length here -- the rolling memories of the old house running right into the shift --
Once, Jane watched her mother remove her wedding ring with butter.
Very effective – I especially like that ending.
Oh, just gorgeous Kathy
*
Susan, thank you for reading this!
Beautiful, Kathy. And the ending is just stunning. *
Oh, thank you Kim!