...And Nail
by Jarrid Deaton
His back against the mildewed wall of the bedroom, Cochran Baines lifted the dented clay pot to his mouth and poured the contents down his throat. Sixty years of life was plenty, he reasoned. No need to keep heading toward an increasingly flawed future.
They never caught Cochran in the act of placing his collected items in the pot. As a funeral director, his work was a private affair. There were rumors, always mutterings that opened the same perverted discourse that tended to end with the mention of bluish nipples.
"Too many repeat listens to Alice Cooper belting out his ode to Cold Ethyl," Cochran would say. "Not all of us are interested in really loving the dead."
Cochran's compulsion wasn't sexual, in as much as things that aren't blatantly related to sex are, but it would seem disturbing to much of the morning coffee and evening easy chair populace.
For twenty-eight years, Cochran Baines removed a tooth from the mouth of every dead child that spent time on his table.
If they knew, people would search for a reason behind it. They always do. Things like this, all of the shadow-quirks, need a concrete explanation. Something to do with a father, perhaps, or an overbearing grandmother. Maybe Cochran had three of his teeth jerked from his jaw at the age of nine by an elementary school janitor afflicted with acromegaly, but maybe not. Nobody ever questions stamp collectors, or people who really like owls. Maybe it was caught in his brain the second he rocketed out of the embryonic fluid and into the vast open space filled with electronic devices and scared eyes.
Twenty-eight years of the little pop and crunch that accompanies the removal of a tooth. Twenty-eight years of dead bodies in front of him, a lineage of real and ultimate truth. So many opportunities for souvenirs. But only the teeth of children interested him. The adults had made good use of their incisors and molars, but the children, there was so much more for them to taste. Such a loss, those beautiful misshapen squares and triangles. Pop. Crunch. The clay pot was always waiting, ready to accept a new offering. When Cochran found himself wishing a child would die, he knew he had to go. It took so long. He was fine just waiting for a car accident, or cancer, maybe a pit bull attack, but he started to want them more and more. He needed them.
The teeth clogged his throat, some of them white, some brown, some gone to black. No need for sugar, this was the rot of time immemorial. Cochran continued to pour. Then his throat constricted, forcing teeth back to the tongue they slid down, but he kept pouring. As the air stopped, blocked by these small instruments of evolutionary survival, Cochran let the years of lost childhoods fall from his mouth and to the dark carpet of the floor, circling him like satellites orbiting a dying planet.
Good Gawd! Really good, man!
You say Withnail, I say Andnail!
Thanks, Matt! Glad you dug it.
The adults had made good use of their incisors and molars, but the children, there was so much more for them to taste.
One of those sentences that deserves a review unto itself. This story is amazing and right up my alley. I was sold when I read "Maybe Cochran had three of his teeth jerked from his jaw at the age of nine by an elementary school janitor afflicted with acromegaly, but maybe not."
Alice Cooper would be proud. This is how it's done. Loved it!
Rock and roll, Dave. This story was disturbing and fun as all hell to write. Happy that you liked the janitor with acromegaly. Just thinking about a blue-suited janitor with a mop and massive head jerking teeth from a kid (or not) creeps me out. If I can creep myself out, I'm a giddy dude.
Thanks, Carol! I'd like to imagine that Alice would nod his head in approval.
Jarrid--
On the off-chance you haven't seen "Withnail & I," do.
Matt,
Already did a quick google of it and it sounds right up my alley.
Combine the words "cult" "black comedy" and "British" and I am there, for sure. Going to check it out as soon as possible.
"As the air stopped, blocked by these small instruments of evolutionary survival, Cochran let the years of lost childhoods fall from his mouth and to the dark carpet of the floor, circling him like satellites orbiting a dying planet."
Had to have felt good writing this sentence, reading over it, knowing it was gold.
Grand story, hoss.
Wow. Weird and oddly touching simultaneously. The last line's a killer. Nice work.
This is quite brilliant and dark and superbly morbid. Loved every word of it.
Susan and Ajay, very happy that you guys enjoyed the story! Thanks so much for the kind words.
I've returned to this story several times now. So good, Jarrid.
Great job, Jarrid. The line about people who really like owls had me laughing, but the end had me glued to the screen.
Thanks, Julie and Patrick!
Julie, it's awesome that you've read the story multiple times. Makes me a smiling writer dude, for sure.
Patrick, yeah, the owl thing. I like it, too. I always try and stick something funny in most of my work, even if it is unsettling or whatever. Also, super glad that you liked the last line. It actually came to me first, followed by the rest of the story.
Wildly original and very well written story, I could feel all the little teeth going down. Liked the speculative aspect, his examining life, despite, or maybe because of, his creepy chosen profession.
"For twenty-eight years, Cochran Baines removed a tooth from the mouth of every dead child that spent time on his table." What a sentence. What an image. What an idea. Fave.
Quite original and dark. Excellent!
Wow, guys. Thanks so much!
Susan, that's creepy and cool that you could feel all the little teeth going down.
Katrina, thanks in a major way for the kind words, and mega-thanks for the fav.
Christian, big-time coolness that you dig the story. "Original and dark" are just the things I was going for.
I love the darkness in this one, Jarrid. It's hypnotic.
I'm not good at leaving comments so I'll say what I can and try not to sound fake.. the morbidness that is so obvious yet subtle at the same time is what I enjoyed about this one, I think I held my breath for the most part.
A fine piece of work. Great atmosphere, tone. Outstanding.
Marcelle, Felicia, and Sam, big thanks!
Marcelle, hypnotic darkness. Most excellent. Glad you liked it.
Felicia, it would appear that you are, in fact, good at comments. The holding your breath part makes me a happy writer, for sure. Thanks in abundance.
Sam, rock and roll. Those are some kind words and they are much appreciated.
Where, oh where did you ever come up with the idea for this! My kind of story for sure. Pop. Crunch. Chilling.
remarkable, jarrid. a flawless arc that includes so much of existence - personal madness, sex...i love how you open cochran's coffin up in the end with that last great sentence. so well done.
Mimi and Finnegan, gallons of thanks to both of you!
Mimi, the idea, as weird as this sounds, came to me out of the ether while covering a board of education meeting for the newspaper. Weird, huh?
Finnegan, wow, man. Thanks big time. -Remarkable and flawless,- rocking kind words, my friend.
Cochran's clay pot crypt, full of pearly jewels...loved it!!
Coolness, Heather! Thanks for giving it a read.
Have you read j g ballard? The clinical creepiness, and particularly the last line, reminded me of his.
Unsurprisingly, Eamon, I love Ballard. I consider it an honor that my last line reminded you of something he would have penned.