by James Knight
1. He had thirteen imaginary friends. They knew him better than his mother did.
2. His imaginary friends were all born of a cat on the night of a blood moon.
3. His imaginary friends had grey skin and red eyes, giving them the appearance of dead people. Their cheeks flushed silver when they blushed.
4. His imaginary friends had held a grudge against him for thirty years. They never forgave him for neglecting them by playing with other children.
5. His imaginary friends regularly gathered in the folds of his curtains, whispering about him.
6. While he slept, his imaginary friends opened the curtains, turned on the lights and displayed him in the window like a mannequin.
7. His imaginary friends were stage managers, orchestrating the bleak theatre of his life.
8. Having sex was difficult with his imaginary friends present.
9. Whenever he saw them on the station platform or in a coffee shop, his imaginary friends would look right through him, as if he didn't exist.
10. Once, his imaginary friends killed a pigeon and left it on his doorstep. It was intended as an ambiguously threatening message.
11. His imaginary friends maintained their sangfroid by using his fridge as their chillout zone.
12. His imaginary friends were more real than his house, his car, his job, his girlfriend, his parents, his past, his desires, his life.
13. Whenever his imaginary friends felt tired they folded themselves in half and slept under the rug in his living room.
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My imaginary friends lost interest in me when they reached adolescence; they all started chasing girls around.