by J. Bradley
“How did we get here, fuckshow?”
“You know how we got here: Google Maps,” I said.
Samantha punched me in the right arm, “You know what I mean. How did we get here?”
“It was the gang of sailors in the Trojan horse left in the study with their bare hands.”
“What did I tell you about dollar store condoms, David?”
“There are some things worth paying extra money for?”
“Like I said, my name is Samantha and I'm always right.”
I slid my hand over to her kneecap. “I mean we've been talking about the idea of a threesome, but really, we're going to cruise for chicks at Planned Parenthood?” Samantha giggled and shook her head.
“Silly. You know I prefer to pick up my women at the blood bank.”
I rolled the window down and threw the cigarette out of the window. I lit another one.
“Samantha, why are we here? I thought you weren't...”
“I'm not but if we're going to be cheap about birth control, we should take advantage.”
“What if you were pregnant? With my kid? Would you do it?”
Samantha's hand blanketed mine. “I don't want to think about that now. We don't have to, right?”
I shook my head but I wanted to know if we could be a family, even by accident. “Right. Ready?”
Samantha and I got out of the truck. We walked to the front door, the grass beneath the snow next to the sidewalk sheltered from our impending arrival.
1
fav |
1227 views
3 comments |
313 words
All rights reserved. |
After reading Mel Bosworth's Grease Stains, Kismet, and Maternal Wisdom, I enjoyed it so much that I wanted to write a lost chapter to make it less happy and more literary to salt so much joy. You should go buy this guy's book, seriously - http://www.aqueousbooks.com/publications.htm
Hey, nice work. A good sense of early suspense, then change -- and good dialogue that establishes their good-humored relationship.
The last line is evocative:
We walked to the front door, the grass beneath the snow next to the sidewalk sheltered from our impending arrival.
Thanks.
This is an excellent contemporary slice of life. It is both gritty and soft, which is hard to pull off. You are a talented writer.
Being nitpicky...
Two lines made me stumble. It could be due to the fact I read the story at one AM.
The lines were:
“It was the gang of sailors in the Trojan horse left in the study with their bare hands.”
(I got the gang of sailors in the Trojan horse as representing a used condom, but...left in the study with their bare hands...reads awkward to me. My ear longs to hear "hands bare" instead.)
and
We walked to the front door, the grass beneath the snow next to the sidewalk sheltered from our impending arrival.
(Here, I think a comma after "sidewalk" would work nicely.)
In both examples, it sounds as if there is a beat missing, perhaps it is punctuation or it could be that my ear is simply not dialed in. I'm definitely not a grammar guru.
Best of luck placing this, if it hasn't already found a home. You have a nice style of writing.
Very nice writing here, telling a story that's happening somewhere,every day.