A woman I knew died decades ahead of her burial. We were children when we met but only by a little; we helped raise each other, bearing witness at last to the mystery of sex. She played piano for hours in the moldy practice rooms of the dingy college we attended on old upright pianos that have since been sent shrieking to the junkyards of Ohio, their strings loosened and bare ivory keys stripped, their skinny mahogany legs hacked to pieces. And like children we watched each other warily at the cemetery after the tornado that carefully placed the second floor of our dormitory in the middle of the street. The first floor was intact, and so were we, so I asked her to marry me.
Which seemed a good idea. That way we wouldn't be lonely and our “sensitivity” would no longer go unnoticed and besides we would one day have children, blond and good, with her blue eyes and my whatever, that je ne sais quoi that I prized at the time.
We bought a grand piano at Steinway Hall on 57th Street after 9/11, chased uptown by the dust of death and awakening from dreams of miniature jumpers stuck in the icing of white wedding cakes, hundreds of these cakes posted to bulletin boards in Union Square. I kited a check and put the balance on a gold Amex card and a week later the piano arrived.
She never played it.
Some mornings it is hard to shake the chill, though Ohio is far from the peaked mountains of Colorado where we spent the first years of marriage. And here by the railroad tracks the summer sun burns away every imperfection and I hang like a noose loosely attached to a mirror that shows the clear reflection of her long disappointment, and await the night when there is nothing left to beg.
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i just wrote this--
i have no idea what it is
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nice work: "I hang like a noose loosely attached to a mirror."
Inspired, that's what it is. *
This seems loaded with implications of experience that extend in all directions through time and space from the simple text. I especially liked the shrieking and decapitated pianos, an image wildly significant without any one correlative to limit it.
I agree with David about those pianos. They are alive but in bad shape. There's an elegant tone shift in the second graph after the violence of the first, and I know this break up story is in wise and careful and hands. I'm ambivalent about "she never played it" because it's too square on, and whether she did or not, I feel the pulling away. (But what a waste of a piano! Ack!) The last phrase of the last line is bare and clear and fine, fine, fine.
Oops. Make that wise and careful hands. I need grammar check everywhere I go.
Good comment, Pia.
I fave this for the pianos and tornado and first sentence, first paragraph.
This could go tighter and sock it more away, adjusting little words for timing. The last paragraph is more slack, and it may need to be that way, a kind of dissolution in the style to reflect its meaning.
Here's one spot:
"... after the tornado that carefully placed the second floor of our dormitory in the middle of the street."
Fine, or: change that in the sentence to had.
Pianos in the story bring specific NYC pianos in my loved one's world back to me. *
"A woman I knew died before I left her, decades ahead of her burial." I think this is a powerful first sentence. I agree with Pia's comment about "she never played it" Nice run.
thanks, all---
Gary, you saw this? http://www.nytimes.com/slideshow/2012/07/29/arts/music/077292012PIANOS.html?ref=music
I like "She never played it."
Strong sentence.
Not sure about "before I left her" since that draws attention away from the woman to the narrator.