by Gary Moshimer

I'd had way too many drinks. My legs were quivering. Everyone had gathered there in the kitchen, my sleek and attractive ex-wife the center of attention, all the men fucking drooling over her. Seems she was a yoga queen now, a vegan princess, a dancer somewhere. She hadn't had a boob job, but her breasts looked bigger. There was some fuck staring at them right now. I downed my drink and staggered into the hall and rested my forehead on the wall. I looked at myself in a mirror, looking old as hell, saggy drunk face.

I wandered upstairs. The place belonged to a couple I knew. My ex and I had kissed on a bed up here, so I went looking for it. I opened the door and saw that the bed was gone. There was a crib, elephants spinning slowly above. The baby sat up and looked at me, made a little cooing sound. I couldn't remember this baby's name. I think it was Teddy.

“Hey, Teddy,” I said, approaching the crib. My head spun slowly like the elephants.

Teddy raised both his arms like he wanted tiny fist bumps. I gave them: bam,bam. He laughed and drooled a little. I did the same. Then I had to sit in the rocker that was there.

“You don't look so good,” Teddy said, in his tiny baby voice.

What the hell?

“Oh, yeah. I talk, fucker. I'm pre-…well I don't know that word yet.”

“I'm drunk enough to believe it.”

“How the fuck are you getting home? Will you kill yourself?”

“Sometimes I think it doesn't matter.”

“That's shit talk. You shouldn't do that in front of someone who has their whole life to live.”


“Why are you in such a state? What's happened to you?”

I rocked slowly. “My ex-wife is here. It's fucking me up.”

Teddy stood and held his bars. He pumped his legs. “You still love her.”

“I screwed up.”

“What did you do?”

“I cheated on her with one of my students.”

“Young stuff?”

“Sort of.”

“A baby to you.”

“Kind of.”

“You have any kids?”

“No. We never wanted any.”

“See what you're missing. You could have one that talks.”

“You're freaking me out.”

Teddy jumped on those pudgy legs. It looked like he would spring out of there. “She's here tonight, isn't she?”

“Men are hanging over her.”

“She still love you?”

“I don't know.”

The door opened and someone poked their head in. It was her, Sara my ex. Teddy curled up and pretended to be asleep. I closed my eyes and kept rocking.

She said, “Hey.”


“Isn't he cute?”


“I'm getting sick of it down there.”

“Everyone loves you.”

“Who needs it?”

I looked at Teddy, his even breathing. “Should we have had a baby?”


“Maybe it would have been different.”

“You mean maybe you wouldn't have fooled around?”

“I don't know.”

We watched Teddy for a bit, and then she sat on the floor by my feet and curled into a ball. Teddy was humming a baby song. After a while Marlene came to check on her baby. She told us we could sleep it off. During the night I awoke intermittently, and Sara was holding my leg like she was afraid of falling.