Haliburton v US: Fallout

by Gary Hardaway

In his opinion for the five judge majority, Justice Roberts stated “The irrefutable logic of Halburton's case is based on the precedent of Citizens United which established the equation of Corporations = People. The Preamble of the Constitution itself established the equation of People = Government (“We the people…”). Thus, the logically derived equation Corporations = Government establishes the full rights of Haliburton to acquire and deploy Drones, and any other hardware it might require, in the service of its interests around the world.”

Immediately following the landmark decision, Justice Roberts departed Washington for a six week, thirty state tour to educate and inform the Citizens of the United States regarding the judiciary and its fundamental role in the American Way. Even his most ardent supporters raised figurative eyebrows when he insisted on being called “Judge John” at his public appearances. Buzz in the blogosphere suggested the tour was an audition for a syndicated television gig. Spokespeople for the Judge neither denied nor confirmed the rumors.

Within a month of the decision, Haliburton drones were reported in operation across six of seven continents, scoping the terrain and terminating enemies of the people/government/corporation wherever they might hide.

In related matters, negotiations continue between Wal-Mart and the freshly deregulated and fully privatized nuclear arms and guided missile industries for a stable of strategic thermonuclear devices and delivery systems. Ever nimble McDonalds has already introduced the new McBomb and predicts that quarterly earnings will be up at least forty-two percent when next reported.