Prosperity Meteor Showers and the Human Ingenuity Tenders Lasting Economic Recovery Act
by Gary Hardaway
Spearheaded by a reanimated Ronald Reagan- the happy confluence of stem cell therapies, nanotech, and venture capital- Republican conservatives triumphed in both houses of Congress and the White House in November of 2020 through the re-branding of the Tea Party as Resurrected Reagan Republicans. The Roberts court cleared the path through its decision that the Ronald Reagan returned from the dead was not the same Ronald Reagan limited by law to two presidential terms.
Among the many sweeping contributions of the RRR victory was the mandate, delivered through energetic appointees to the Congressional Budget Office, that the purely analytical approach of the past must be invigorated with a proactive creativity in matters related to the fiscal well being of the nation.
Within two months of Resurrected Reagan's inauguration, the CBO issued a concise and brilliant report demonstrating that the most cost-effective and permanent solution to the multiple problems presented by persistent poverty in the United States was the elimination of all those with prorated household or individual income below each fiscal year's established poverty level.
The expense of this selective eradication was easily offset at the Federal level by the reduction of expenditures on all the entitlement programs in health care and education, “free-lunch” subsidies such as SNAP and free-and-reduced lunches, and misguided job training initiatives. Analysis also showed that projected savings on crime prevention, jurisprudence, and incarceration would permit substantial reductions in Federal tax rates on the most productive Americans. Projected savings by state and local governments were also substantial, especially in view of the fact that eradication costs were assumed to be borne solely by the Federal budget.
Through the generous assistance of the Heritage Foundation and the Cato Institute, model legislation that became the Human Ingenuity Tenders Lasting Economic Recovery Act was crafted, debated, fine-tuned and passed for the President's signature within five weeks of the issuance of the CBO's report and recommendations.
Because implementation of the H.I.T.L.E.R. Act was of vital national interest, delivery of its eradication provisions was expedited through suspension of customary competitive bidding protocols. A blue ribbon committee of successful business and community leaders, appointed by Congress and the White House, developed a general plan for eradication that marshaled the resources of the IRS, NSA, and ATF to identify targets and deliver them to localized detainment centers across the country. UPS was identified as the large-scale delivery system and logistics provider. IBM was charged with developing and delivering dedicated information technology services. Halliburton was partnered with ATF to deliver materials and supplemental staff related to detention. The National Parks Service, with its substantial and isolated real estate holdings, was designated to identify a remote, aggregate detention site and, in cooperation with Halliburton, equip, staff and secure it. Morton-Thiokol was selected to design and deliver a hybrid drone transport and low orbit rocket system which would use remotely controlled conventional aircraft technology as a flying launch platform for solid fuel powered, expendable carriers crafted to propel cargo into a brief low orbit trajectory which would, through atmospheric friction upon re-entry, incinerate the cargo and carrier without residual debris.
The first pilot demonstrations of the integrated eradication system were performed without any unforeseen effects. The President, invited to witness the conclusion of the first fully live test, noted that the incineration of the cargo carrier in the upper atmosphere reminded him of a shooting star. He suggested that, when fully operational, perhaps the re-entry of many cargo carriers in close proximity could be coordinated to provide ongoing Prosperity Meteor Showers visible to all the hardworking taxpayers of America.
Due to the H.I.T.L.E.R. Act, poverty in the USA has almost been statistically eliminated. Arrest and incarceration rates have declined dramatically. Public education performance improves each year. And American productivity rises higher and higher in direct response to the persistent incentive to maintain an income above the official level of poverty. Now, only the responsible participate in the blessings of liberty, as they look up in wonder at all their lucky, shooting stars.