by Gabe Durham

The game begins with a ball at center court. The ball is an egg. When the whistle drops, do not take any guff. Whatever an opponent whispers to you, project confidence. There are baskets, usually five or so. Don't feel like you need to run unless you just want to. When you spot a basket, fake, pivot, fake, and see if there's anything in there you could love some day. If you can't, move on. If you can, try not to come on too strong. Signal a teammate. Have your teammate flatter you. If an opponent is hovering around the same basket as you, fake, roll, fadeaway, and appear disinterested in the basket's contents. If your opponent sees through this, claim firsties. Failing that, let what's in the basket decide. Brace yourself. Remember your heart is large, feral, fanged. If the basket chooses your opponent, remind yourself that none of this has anything to do with the object of the game. Somewhere on the court is a gun.