Dog Meat
by David Ackley
Ahead, two of the long-snouted dogs pull flesh from the bloated carcass of a third. Rios raises his weapon, curses, and lowers it. McHenry heaves a rock, one yips, they move off a few feet and sidle back once the squad files past. Everyone is thinking the same thing.
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50 words
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Author's Note
This is excerpted from a long Work in Progress set during the Korean War. I thought it had a chance of standing alone as a 55 worder.
Other stories by David Ackley
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I think it so stands as a 55 worder. A lot of violence in 55. Nice last line.
Might suggest "upon" rather than "on" in first line.
Thanks, Cherise, for both the comment and the suggestion: done.
Very powerful, David.
Thanks very much, Kathy, glad you liked it.
this is spooky and strong - and yes, it absolutely works. Great piece.
Meg, thanks for the kind words, and for building confidence in this piece.
It has more than a chance of standing alone. There is a really really short Hemingway story (people used to refer to it as a fragment) about a group of soldiers that this reminds me of. I can't put my hands on it right now, but if I do, I'll send it to you.
I remember the story Jane mentioned, having to do with a puddle and sudden freezing, a corpse, I think, as viewed by a passing squad.
This, however is quite different, visual, stark, unique. Great use of space.
Thanks Jane and James, and of course I'm delighted to be travelling in such company as Hemingway.Fortunately I don't know the story or I might not have written this one. Now I'd love to read it; thanks to both of you for the comments and the comparison.
A well written piece, David. Wonderful compression. How much you show with so few words -
Thanks, Sam, I appreciate your comments so much.
Definitely works, David. Nice job.
Thanks, Bill, glad it worked for you.