WASHINGTON, D.C. As Egypt inched closer to civil war, President Obama huddled with intelligence officials deep into the night surrounded by his inner circle of advisors--with one notable exception.
"There's a pyramid in 'Ace Ventura, Pet Detective.' Bet you didn't know that."
"The President feels that Joe's talents are best used elsewhere," said White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, explaining the absence of Vice President Biden from the high-level intelligence briefings that have consumed the President's attention since violence erupted in the nation's firmest Muslim ally in the Middle East. "We had a lot of take-out orders to keep straight with everybody working late."
"You've got pizza and Chinese food. That's more than enough to fill the Vice President's head."
Biden has long chafed at invidious comparisons drawn between his and the President's intellectual abilities, often sulking for days on end until given access to the White House putting green. "I know what 'invidious' means," Biden said to a reporter who raised the question outside the Blair House, the Vice President's official residence. "And my dermatologist says my dry skin condition isn't serious."
Steve Martin as King Tut
Biden had hoped that his extensive background in Egyptology would give him the inside track when the President picked a task force to address the crisis that threatens the second-largest recipient of U.S. foreign aid. "He made a plaster of Paris pyramid for an sixth-grade science project," notes Wayne Gullickson, who is writing an unauthorized biography of the former Delaware senator. "And he loves Steve Martin as King Tut."
"Joe, I'm sorry but we're out of chairs in the Oval Office."
Biden is a former defensive halfback for the University of Delaware and is rumored to suffer from post-concussion syndrome from bone-crushing tackles he administered over the course of his football career. "A concussion is a beautiful thing to waste," Biden said as security guards checked his identification outside the White House. "Now if you guys don't let me in pretty soon, the President's going to be royally pissed that his pizza's cold."
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The picture of Biden with that quote is very funny. Until you think about it, which I'm not inclined to do anymore: it's such a farce, as you so well convey in your story.