Two Dimensional Beings

by AJ Lowell


What's a “campester or, a pester?”...A pester is a two-dimensional being and, if you've ever just watched a baby or a housecat, lying on the living-room floor? You may've even saw one without knowing it. Now, both the feline and the infant have abstractly different levels of cognitive function. But, they both share one thing in common. Neither of them have trained eyes. Sometimes, both the cat and the baby will track the same invisible object across the room. They both see it but, you do not. Most likely they are seeing a two-dimensional being or, a “campester.”


Now theoretically, two-dimensional beings can exist in our dimension but, we could never visit theirs. We have a third aspect that prevents us from entering the universe of the incredibly wide and flat. But a pester can float freely from one dimension to another, more easily than a pelican, diving-in and out of the ocean. The relative scale of a pester seems to change with perspective of the observer. Some say they are as small as a playing card, other report's from India suggest they could be as large as the hood of a car.


Pesters have common regular shapes too. The most common variety is the triangle. They are the fastest moving and seem to be the most abundant. Squares and hexagonal-shaped pesters are second most common class of 2-D beings, with the octagon-shaped pesters being the slowest and most rare. They exhibit only modest intelligence, estimated somewhere between amoeba and a moth. Though the campester is only acutely aware of the Baby, or the cat. The two-dimensional being can only perceive two aspects of cat, or the baby at any one time.


Pesters do not eat. A bi-dimensional creature lacks the ability to change it's shape. So it could not engulf its food, nor could it digest its food. Without some form of internal organs, or mechanism to process its prey into energy, it's agreed these animals have no need for any sustenance. That also means there is no competition, or food chain in the second dimension. So, it is presumed these entities somehow reproduce spontaneously, probably at the moment of the parents death.


The name “Campester,” might be a little deceiving. It was taken from the Latin: (campesteris res triangularis) meaning; “A flat-triangular thing.” Like the scene with the cat and the baby on the living-room floor, pesters are curious and playful things. When the cat homes-in on the pester and pounces, the pester will simply pass right through the paws of the feline, much the same way in entered the room, either through the wall, ceiling, or floor. They are benevolent little creatures and they seem to be attracted to energetic places like our three dimensional world.    


It is possible these entities may serve a important purpose to our ecosystem too. To the observer in the third or fourth dimension, their chaotic movements may seem completely random. But, perhaps their movements are part of a greater migratory process that we are only now beginning to understand. They may even serve the natural function of shielding one dimension, from the carcinogenic effects of a higher one. Much like the decomposers of our world, processing dead matter before it becomes a vector for disease.

My friends are trying to devise a way of catching one and holding it indefinitely. All they want is the empirical evidence to present to the science academy, to prove they exist. But, they are extremely slippery escape artists. Nothing we devise can ever hold them.


©2009 AJ Lowell