Virginity
I was seeking punishment so I put my lips around a bright green persimmon and bit down, the bitterness of its flesh overcame me and tears erupted from the corners of my eyes and my face that was swollen and sticky and pink from crying was uncomfortable in the sweaty, mosquito infested air of the last week of summer and I searched for the next branch that could hold my weight and the fading light of the sun only reminded me of those words "the world is a dangerous place," he said, "especially for girls" it pissed me off no measurable amount and I ended up here thinking "it's dangerous to climb trees, too, but apparently it wouldn't break my heart or use me up" but I descended the tree finally after wiping my face on my shirt and did not hurry back to the house where my brother was not expected to be.
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Author's Note
This is a prose poem.
Other stories by Sydney Kilgore
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sydney,
i like this a lot--
and locate the emotion, here:
"the world is a dangerous place," he said, "especially for girls" it pissed me off no measurable amount and I ended up here thinking "it's dangerous to climb trees, too, but apparently it wouldn't break my heart or use me up"
but wonder about the last words--?--would it make sense to end it with "did not hurry back at the house." and cut the brother not expected?
dunno. my 2 cents
thanks for posting.
It is intense and telling, tho I might agree with Gary that I'm not sure how the brother figures in. The warning she was given might imply that the man/her brother was the focus of her anger/grief, but it was not indicative of anything bad having happened. The end somehow gives the impression that he is now gone/dead. I took this to be a brother killed in war/wherever, but then the "used up" didn't fit though the "break my heart" certainly did.
The stream of consciousness works well with this though and I do love the images and style. Nice.
virgin in what way? self-punishment for what? crying why?
I asked myself as I read this. Connecting all 3 questions to the brother, and thinking there is no reason to go back to the house unless/until he is there. Because things need to be resolved with him, proven to him.
the last week of summer, the next branch: I like this, moving from moment to moment trying to find a next step that will not collapse beneath you
I like this piece a lot and yet for me I wish there were a bit more to sharpen the focus of the emotion and situation here. Maybe it is good that there could be such differing interpretations as you see in the comments here. But for me I would like more revealed.
Sydney, just putting in a word here for keeping the brother as he appears in the poem. You may tinker here or there with a word or phrase for rhythm or even sense (a slightly blank spot near the middle where she's climbing). I take something very specific about her relationship to the outdoors where her brother is and home where he is not expected to be. Steve's response is interesting, but the poem doesn't give rise to those questions for me.
Sydney, just putting in a word here for keeping the brother as he appears in the poem. You may tinker here or there with a word or phrase for rhythm or even sense (a slightly blank spot near the middle where she's climbing). I take something very specific about her relationship to the outdoors where her brother is and home where he is not expected to be. Steve's response is interesting, but the poem doesn't raise those questions for me.
Thank you all for reading, and I will take your comments into consideration. To be honest, this is the "virgin" draft (no pun intended)... I have not revised it, and was actually hoping to get some readers like ya'll to see what wasn't clear, etc. Thanks so much, and I'm glad you got some enjoyment out of it. :)
Intriguing. This piece implies so much more, and I'm not sure what that is. *