Drive, you sd, for christ's sake
This weekend was supposed to be about intellect and soul-mating, but, like all others, it's turned into body and longing. You sit in my passenger seat and I let you smoke in my wee car with the windows rolled down.
We've come from a wedding, a fairy ring, a carnival, an executioning, anything that's spectacle, and you sat beside me that whole time and we sweated together and you made sure your leg grazed mine only every now and then.
I would've had sex with you every time.
You say you were imagining me giving you head at the altar, on a mushroom, a ferris wheel, the electric chair.
I would have done you but I started thinking about hair on my toes, my 70s bush, my weak teeth, your bangs oiling up from the heat, your hand tatts, and the facial stubble you refused to shave. You could be a hipster, you could be worse; you attach yourself to the right people and feed feed feed. Everyone wants to introduce you to others.
I want to introduce you to the priest, the barker, the Faerie Queen, the executioner. I want to show you god, show you magic, con and kill you.
Or maybe, I want to lock you in my car and just drive.
|
5
favs |
1371 views
11 comments |
220 words
All rights reserved. |
Author's Note
For the 52/250 Challenge: "Cigarette smoke in the car," w/ some new edits
An exercise in pure angst, Ryder. The "text"-style title doesn't move me, but the opener does -- especially with a clever hook: ". . . it's turned into body and longing." The protagonist's survey of her physical attributes is very different and brutally honest and I get her message that perhaps she's hooked-up with a loser. A Micro writer like you can do a lot in 220 words. An excellent vignette. (perhaps commas in paragraph five ". . . and feed, feed, feed.
Ramon, thanks so much for your insights! I hadn't even thought about the textiness of the title; I kinda cribbed it from Robert Creeley's "I Know a Man," but you're right...it is "text-like."
You are going to hell for this.
Nice job!
I love the images in this - wedding, fairy ring, carnival, then the revisit of those places - alter, mushroom, ferris wheel. I like this a lot, and the insecurity it reveals. I would have read on actually, had it been longer.
I love every word of this. All of them, in exactly this order.
First read this on 52/250 and loved it there, and here, again. Raw, intense, unflinching. Lyrical and smart.
"sd" =stupid dick??
*
A smart, confident piece.
"you attach yourself to the right people and feed feed feed."--Great!
How did I miss this here, Ry? This is one of my favorites by you. It is so compact and expansive all at once, so full of images that are both bright and dark. I love the last line.
Should the tense here be "we'd" rather than "we've"? Because the rest is past tense... just wondering:
We've come from a wedding, a fairy ring, a carnival, an executioning, anything that's spectacle, and you sat beside me that whole time and we sweated together and you made sure your leg grazed mine only every now and then.
PS I agree with Ramon about the text style. Don't get why it's necessary... but if you wanted the title to be shorter, more colloquial, you could change it to "chrissakes" -- just an idea.
Michelle, thanks for liking this! The title's my homage to Robert Creeley's poem, "I Know a Man," but maybe it's not homagey enough...