The Poor Little
Wow. I'm just going to say it--
That's one ugly little girl you've
Made for yourself. But now someone
Will miss you when you're dead.
No energy is every truly wasted.
But nobody needs to
Look that much like a potato.
No, no, I don't think I want to hold her.
Should I tell you she looks like
you? Or that she doesn't? That she
takes after her mom, who also
resembles a tuber? I'm sorry, but.
Genes are cruel, will continue
To be cruel. That's the nice
Thing about genes. You know
Where you stand. Your chances.
It doesn't look good for your little
Potato. I predict she will
Either settle, or diet. Neither
is much fun, though both work.
Poor little potato. Can I hold her?
Poor little potato. Never mind.
That's one ugly little girl you've
Made for yourself. But now someone
Will miss you when you're dead.
No energy is every truly wasted.
But nobody needs to
Look that much like a potato.
No, no, I don't think I want to hold her.
Should I tell you she looks like
you? Or that she doesn't? That she
takes after her mom, who also
resembles a tuber? I'm sorry, but.
Genes are cruel, will continue
To be cruel. That's the nice
Thing about genes. You know
Where you stand. Your chances.
It doesn't look good for your little
Potato. I predict she will
Either settle, or diet. Neither
is much fun, though both work.
Poor little potato. Can I hold her?
Poor little potato. Never mind.
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Author's Note
There are things nobody should ever say to a new mom. Especially me.
Other stories by Laurel Snyder
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Oh I really like this. Especially this:
But now someone will miss you when you're dead.
I was told once that all newborns look like eggplants.
They kinda do... all squooshed and bruised...
Thanks!
This is funny and sad at once. Great poem!
"I predict she will/Either settle of diet."
Hahaha! Loved it. Infants are beautiful and ugly all at once.