"they"--inspired by Lynn Beighley's "Ten Amazing don't-miss writing prompts (especially number 6)!--(but I chose number 2--thank

by Bobbi Lurie


inspired by lynn beighley's "ten amazing don't-miss writing prompts (especially number 6)!--(but i chose number 2--thanks, lynn)

2. Write a list of what's wrong with everyone else.

1. they lie to protect their self-image

2. they go on another vacation every month

3. they get face lifts

4. they have gastric by-pass surgeries 

5. they keep showing you a glass trophy which they keep in a glass cabinet 

6. they steal your husband

7. they steal your son

8. they don't "act" like men

9. they don't laugh at your jokes

10. they don't take you seriously

11. when you say "go away" they stay

12. when you say "stay" they go away

13. they laugh at the photograph of michelle bachmann on the cover of newsweek rather than realize it's tina brown's manipulation techniques like the photoshopped photo of princess diana showing how she might look if she had lived and they do this not caring how much they hurt her living sons and they do this just to sell stupid magazines 

14. they buy the magazine anyway

15. they are fascinated with casey anthony who obviously killed her baby daughter

16. they want to see how the murderer looks naked

17. they go to disneyworld for a vacation

18. they don't invite you to their wedding but they write you detailed emails about this upcoming wedding and who they're inviting to their upcoming wedding

19. they invite you to their wedding and you do not want to go

20. they don't show up at your brother-in-law's funeral

21. they try to convert you to christianity

22. they tell you that the drug is safe but the drug almost kills your son and the ones who save your son's life do not tell you he may go blind

23. they tell you what they think you want to hear but you want to hear the truth

24. they tell you if he doesn't take the drug he will go blind and they tell you if he takes too much of the drug he will go blind and they tell you if he doesn't take more of the drug he will go blind

25. they preach against global warming but continue to eat beef

26. they cheat on their wife who has terminal cancer

27. they keep their "love child" a secret for 10 years

28. they try to peg the "love child" on their campaign manager

29. they smile when the cops take their mug shot

30. they brag about their kids

31. they say cancer is satan

32. they wear push up bras and six inch heels

33. they wear tennis shoes and emblems on their t-shirts

34. they give you a dress code

35. they sit on the commode too long while you're waiting in the airport "rest" room and your flight is about to take off

36. they give you stale peanuts on the plane

37. they give you drinks that give you headaches

38. they shouldn't be practicing medicine

39. they should emphasize the word "practicing"

40. they should admit that "practice" doesn't make perfect

41. they should admit they are guilty of medical negligence

42. they flirt with you even though you're married

43. they get married even though they flirt with YOU

44. they think they're better than you because they eat health food

45. they think they're better than you because they are careful with everything they do

46. they think they're better than you because they take heroin

47. they think they're better than you because they go to a.a. meetings

48. they pretend you don't exist and criticize you for that

49. they insist on getting there early

50. they're always late

51. they're mad at you for making them wait

52. they hate the word hate

53. they believe in heaven

54. they eat with their mouth open

55. they think this list is funny

56. they don't think this list is serious

57. they won't give you a valium

58. they won't give you a xanax

59. they won't give you hydrocodone

60. they won't give you morphine

61. they stop calling

62. they won't stop calling

63. they are mad at you for not answering your phone

64. they are mad at you for calling

65. they cry over sappy films

66. they laugh in the wrong places

67. they tell you no matter how much chemo they give you you'll still get more cancer

68. they put hard candy in large bowls in the cancer clinic even though sugar causes cancer to grow

69. they think being dead is worse than living

70. they live fearing death

71. they die fearing life

72. their wife is a bitch

73. they got hitched because she said she was pregnant

74. they stay together even though she "lost" the baby

75. they wear giant diamonds even though people are dying on the streets

76. they steal your car when you park it on the street instead of the garage

77. they can't find your car even though you parked it in the garage

78. they don't take credit cards even though the garage costs a fortune

79. they say there is no they

80. they r write (right)