Forum / A Lost Remembrance courtesy of Joe Brainard, edited out of "I Remember" due to legal counsel's advice that it may be slanderous

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  Chris Okum

  Sep 07, 04:10pm

  I remember Danny O'Shea, a stocky Irish kid who befriended me because I was the only person who would let him slap someone across the face whenever he got the urge to slap someone across the face, which was often. I remember Danny had tried to join the Westies but was rejected because of his inability to take orders. I remember the only thing he liked more than slapping people across the face was playing pool, and the only thing he liked more than playing pool was having me watch him play pool. I remember going with him to a billiards joint on Waverly and watching him play pool with a greasy Italian kid who ran the table and wanted his money immediately. I remember Danny telling the Italian kid to get lost. I remember the Italian kid hitting Danny over the head with his pool cue. I remember the bouncer getting Danny in a headlock and throwing him out on the sidewalk. I remember following behind, holding Danny's jacket. I remember Danny asking me why I didn't help him. I remember telling Danny that I didn't like to fight, that I didn't know how to fight, that the thought of fighting made me want to vomit. I remember going back to Danny's apartment and watching him masturbate to an episode of "I Love Lucy." I remember not being able to tell if he was masturbating to Lucille Ball or Desi Arnaz. I remember him asking me if I wanted to masturbate with him. I remember misunderstanding what he said and the embarrassment I felt when I starting tugging on his cock. I remember the gentle way he told me that he didn't mean for me to jerk him off but for me to jerk myself off why he jerked himself off at the same time, while we both watched "I Love Lucy." I remember asking him if we could turn the channel to "Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C." instead. I remember the look on Danny's face when I asked him to turn the channel. I remember thinking that I knew we wouldn't be friends for much longer.

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  Smiley McGrouchpants, Jr-Esq-III

  Oct 06, 10:32pm

  This shit's awesome! I wouldn't know what to do, either — I feel for that guy. You know. The narrator.

  *

  (Whoops! Not a story; no need to "fave" it.

  (Also: it's "libelous," not "slanderous"; the former's the print version, the latter's just yappin' out loud, and, maybe, being taped and stuff. That legal counsel! Pay attention, boys (&, maybe, girls). Re-take your LSAT'S, or somethin'!)

  My 2¢.

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  Mathew Paust

  Oct 07, 08:08pm

  So what do you do for cheap thrills, Chris?

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