Each year the Washington Post invites readers to think of alternative meanings for common words or take a word, alter it by one letter, then supply a new definition. Here are some of the results:
- Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
- Cantankerous(n), able to drive a tank.
- Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
- Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
- Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
- Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavoured mouthwash.
- Defenestration (n.), Uninstalling Windows 7 and then installing Linux.
- Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
- Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
- Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
- Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly
- Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
- Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
- Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
- Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
- Caterpallor (n.): The colour you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.
- Paymeant (n.: )the check is in the mail
- Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period
Sarchasm, heh heh...
Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Bozone: The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
I live in Texas. Reintarnation is my nightmare.
I love these!
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
(These are all from the Washington Post. I'm not that clever.)