1 col 24 point heading here
by Steve Finan
Four minutes to edition time.
I sat, as sub-editors do, and waited for inspiration. The presses wait, always hungry. I had the text at “copy fit”. No problem, I was always a good hack. But the heading? Single column, three decks. Headings need to say so much, yet “less is more” is the mantra subs live by. The text told, in six paragraphs, of a local worthy's cycle-a-thon to raise money to restore a bridge with a long history in the town where I hovered over a keyboard, still unvisited by Mr Inspiration. Morning papers have tight deadlines.
Three minutes to edition time.
I tried:
Wheely
great
effort
Utter rubbish, I know. Been used every time someone does something on wheels to whip up cash. The fund-raising woman deserves more, some innovation at least. A story is just a story to hacks, but remember this will probably be the only time in her life this woman will be the subject of a story in a newspaper. Treat her with respect and your BEST effort, even if it IS a run-of-the-mill item few will read. Or so I tell trainees.
Delete line, delete line, delete line.
I know, how about a film title pun? That sometimes works.
I try:
Bridge
over the
river why
Perhaps the readers would appreciate it. Maybe they'd read the story to discover why the bridge needed saved. The skill in headline writing is to attract eyes. I looked at it and winced. It's nonsense. If a pun heading is to work, it has to work on two levels. This barely works on one.
Two minutes to presstime. The chief sub is electronically checking the readiness of all pages and will soon shout for blood. Got to get the plates made.
What's the woman's name. Ah, Mrs McAnesspie. That'll never fit single column in 24 point. No help there. I consider asking my colleagues, but that's tantamount to saying, “I'm an old, tired hack who can't come up with a simple heading. You might as well sack me boss.”
Empty your mind. Think!
I try:
Pedal
power saves
bridge
It doesn't work, even if I brutally kern the spaces in the middle deck, it won't come in. And anyway, the bridge isn't saved yet, it would be inaccurate. Delete.
One minute to deadline. The chief wants the heading sent to “Done”. We print in another town now, gone are the days when the presses in the basement would make the whole building tremble as they rolled out the news. Great days. I had ink for blood then and “the news” was my oxygen. Everyone was a reader.
I never thought I'd be still here all these years later doing the mundane “Around Town” column.
In desperation, I type:
Bike
ride for
bridge
The first line is too loose and it's upper case D for Dull. It isn't really a heading, it's a label. Kids on school newsletters do better.
DEADLINE. The presses can't be late. We'd miss our printslot. Unthinkable.
I send:
Wheely
great
effort
Even though it is stale.
The newspaper industry, as it dies, cannot wait for slow subs. It was different when hot metal ruled. There were better stories, there was more time — either that or Mr Inspiration was my friend instead of a stranger. I was confidently set for Pulitzers and editorships. But now the papers just plumb new depths of shallowness. New tech made the job faster but cheaper.
Me, I can craft sentences so tight they thrum. I used to be good. I should have moved up, not fallen into the small town tender trap. Not that I regret being caught, most of the time. But prams in the hallway roll away brave ambition.
It hasn't been the same since Manda died. I was never so good again. Somehow, it didn't matter so much.
I was always going to write that class. lit. novel anyway.
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Author's Note
I've watched the ink in old sub-editors dry up. I've seen what increased pace does to craftsmen. There's an army of former hacks out there who wouldn't spit on the birdcage flooring that now passes as newspapers. Men and women who know how to spell every word there is yet now, in disgust, read none of them.
Other stories by Steve Finan
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Prams in the Hallway Roll Away Brave Ambition
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There's a headline(!)
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(Did you see this:
http://www.outsidethebeltway.com/nbc-news-reports-death-of-astronaut-neil-young/
?
You'll think of a great headline that night while you're going to sleep. It always happens like that.*
You'll think of a great headline that night while you're going to sleep. It always happens like that.*
Thanks for reminding me that I'm old enough to remember the clack of typewriters and the smell of newsprint.
And what about those Crusades. Don't they just keep gettin' funnier every time ya think back on 'em?
Enjoyed this read.
Ah Matt, I can just picture some poor NBC sub in front of his editor trying to explain the inexplicable: “What were you thinking” when he just doesn’t know what he was thinkingg. Neil Young/Neil Armstrong . . . sometimes your brain just does that!
My paper carries the results of the lottery draws in the UK, one of which is called “The Thunderball”. For reasons I still cannot fathom, I typed in and we published the numbers for the “Thunderbirds” draw!
A local paper I used to work for carried a survey on whether residents wanted traffic calming measures installed in their neighbourhood’s streets — mounds to slow the cars down.
In the first edition, the headline was: “Do you want a hump in the road?”.
Thanks v much for the generous comments folks.
love this. the pain of the approaching deadline. makes me think of the poor new orleans paper they've cut to three days a week. jeesus.
This is a really solid story, the last couple of lines catch me off guard a bit, but not necessarily in a bad way. This piece should have gotten more attention.
*
As suspenseful as a story about a man sitting at a desk can be, I really enjoyed this. The character is so vulnerable, which I always prefer. That he failed in aesthetics and personal pride but not at his job is such a real ending that despite its sadness, satisfies as a story.
I also like how his background is not revealed until the middle. It keeps the story rising and injects some humanity into what is before just sort of a frenzied but palpable narrative. It's the reason the story saddens later.